Total Eclipse
by DanaBenson
Summary: After the Blind Spot came a Total Eclipse. Case file set after Brother's Keeper. The murder victim was shocking enough. The murderer's identity was someone no one thought possible. Confronting him costs MCS and Eames especially, dearly.
1. Chapter 1

Total Eclipse 

Prologue:

Sebastian stared down at the floor, his brow furrowed in consternation. How had this happened? It wasn't supposed to go down this way. Not at all. His planning, scheming and plotting had not allowed for such a scenario. He thought that he had accounted for every outcome, but looking at the dead man at his feet, he had to accept that he had never considered this one.

Shaking his head in disbelief, he sank down into the nearest chair and took a slow, cleansing breath. It didn't work. The rage began to form in the pit of his stomach and in a matter of moments it consumed him. He didn't even try to stop it and without a sound he began to kick the body of the man he had waited so long to visit and who had dared to die before him from an apparent heart attack.

How dare he! How dare he take the coward's way out? He silently stormed in the man's hotel room; kicking and punching the corpse. No answer was forthcoming and it infuriated him even more. All of his plans - ruined. He had waited so long to confront this man, to talk to him, to have him listen to his story! It wasn't right! It wasn't fair! This man had listened to the others - "Now you should have listened to me!!" Sebastian yelled with a final kick at the dead man whose face was now unrecognizable as even human.

He sat back down in the chair, breathing heavily, and still furious but in some control. He took a moment to make sure that he hadn't left any trace of his presence in the man's hotel room. When he spotted a large manila envelope on the bed, he was curious and went over to pick it up. A smile spread across his face as he read the label:

Sebastian

"Maybe I'll get my answers after all," he whispered. He put out the "Do Not Disturb" sign and sat down at the table, opening the envelope with a kind of reverence and slowly removed the large stack of papers and photos.

"It's all here," he thought nearly overcome with awe. "All of it."

He looked over at the corpse and smiled as he flipped through the pages. "Thank you, Declan Gage," he said casually, "Although I am sorry that we don't get to have a long heart to heart talk, I am ecstatic to have in my possession all of your notes. All your analysis, your observations," he came to abrupt halt. "What's this?"

Now, instead of skimming the pages, he began reading each one thoroughly enthralled. Here was something he hadn't known about. When he had finished, he stacked them all neatly and replaced them to the envelope. Returning his attention to the dead man, he knelt before him, addressing Declan as if the two of them were sitting down for a drink.

"How sad for you, Declan, that it had to end this way. How truly pathetic you are. Your failure to capture me cost you dearly, didn't it? You, and your daughter. So, after all these years, I present myself to you - ready to sit down and talk - really talk and what do you do?" Sebastian stopped to take a breath, feeling the rage begin to overtake him again. His face morphed into a mask of pure hate - "What do you do you fucking piece of crap? Huh? You die on me! You have a fucking heart attack and you die!"

Furious, he again kicked at Declan's corpse until his anger dissipated and he again had control.

"This isn't over, Declan," he whispered. "Not by a long shot." He clutched the envelope. "The entire case file," he murmured, grinning madly, "with a bonus section." His mind was already planning and scheming.

Chapter 1

Detective Bobby Goren thought that up until now he had handled every rotten thing that life had thrown at him. However, last year, a triple bomb had landed in his lap and in retrospect, he decided that he never recovered. Strike one had been losing Captain Deakins under a bitter cloud of disrespect by the department. Strike two had been nearly losing his partner to the psychopathic daughter of his former mentor and strike three had been his mother's illness.

When Bobby first learned of his mother's diagnosis of cancer, he had shut out his partner. He knew it and he knew that he had hurt her, but he had been unable and unwilling to accept her help. As irrational as he knew it was, he felt that letting her in would only make it more real and more painful. If he fought the battle on his own, devoted his time and energy to find a cure, then she might have a chance to beat death. That and he felt that she had enough to deal with regarding her captivity and Ross. He shoved those two issues to the back burner and focused on his mom.

Now with her impending death looming large over him like a cloud of doom, he knew that he'd handled it all wrong and the pain he felt from that was just as unbearable. But the latter pain had a possible solution if he could accept it. He felt like he was on the brink of losing it all: his mother, his partner, his job and his sanity. His brother was already gone. He had tried to help, but you couldn't help someone who didn't want to be helped. Listening to the Corliss v Riggins debate over God and Science had also set an emotional chain reaction into motion.

He berated himself for keeping his partner at bay for so long. He should have known that she wouldn't hover, or be overbearing if she at least knew what was going on. He should have known that just because she came from a large, close-knit family didn't mean that she didn't understand the need for privacy and personal space.

A week after the case concluded, he had had a 'breakdown', he called it. Alex had labeled it a breakthrough. She found him on her door step at 11:30 on a Friday night, bearing 2 bottles of wine and 3 six packs of beer. She had tied her velour robe more snugly against the bitter cold of the February night, staring at him standing on her porch with his shoulders slumped, his nose red with cold and shivering slightly.

"So, did you start this party without me?"" she quipped, unsure what frame of mind that her currently erratic partner was in.

"No," he said softly. "I - I came over to see if you'd take me back. I don't know where Frank is. Mom is getting worse. I've managed to piss off our Captain and I think - no - I know that I've hurt you - a lot. I've let you down and I think that's what is affecting me the most."

Eames just stared at him. It was probably the most personal thing he'd said to her in a longer time than she could remember. It instantly knocked her defenses down and she extended her arms out to him.

Hesitantly at first, he stepped forward just enough to allow her to grasp his arms. She was in her house shoes and he was in his work oxfords and their height difference was even more pronounced.

"Bobby, you're freezing - why didn't you get another coat?" She asked, her tone tinged with worry and irritation.

He shrugged, and then noticed that she was shivering as well.

"Come on, Eames; can we go inside before we both end up with pneumonia?" When she nodded, he hesitantly, wrapped his free arm around her and she snuggled up close and led him inside and went to the couch.

"Sit down," he told her, "and I'll put this stuff away in the fridge, if that's okay?"

"You thinking about trying to get me drunk?" She called out to his retreating back as she bundled herself under the afghan, listening to him move about her kitchen.

He didn't answer and she was about to go after him when he reappeared with a glass of wine and a beer. "Which one do you want?"

"You –are- trying to get me drunk!" she exclaimed.

Bobby shook his head. "No. You can drink as much or as little as you want. I - I need to talk with you."

Alex stared up at him. He was reaching out to her. Finally.

"Okay. The wine, I guess." She took the proffered glass.

Bobby nodded and sat down; not on the couch but on her overstuffed side chair and began to talk.

Alex listened.

At one point, rather than interrupt him and risk derailing his train of thought, she moved off the couch to sit on the floor at his feet.

Bobby had leaned forward, elbows on knees, head in hands, explaining, rationalizing, and apologizing. Alex didn't interrupt, letting him get it all out, thanking God that he had come to her before he completely lost his sanity.

By the time he'd finished, she thought she might scream if he apologized one more time so she quickly drained her glass and got up on her knees putting Bobby at face level. Gently she pried his hands down.

"Bobby - you've got to stop apologizing. I'm serious and you should know that you can't rid of me so easily. I know how hard this has been for you with your mom, and Captain Ross, but I'm here for you - I'll always be right here. You haven't lost me, but you have shut me out and I hope now that you can let me in, even a little. I know that you want your family to be private and I respect that. I do. But you can't do this all on your own. Nobody could."

Her partner scrubbed the stubble on his face, struggling to get his emotions under some semblance of control. Alex reached over to pick up his untouched beer. "Here," she offered it up, patiently waiting for him to accept it.

Finally, just when she thought that he wouldn't let go, he sighed and looked up. With a small huff, he took the can, drained it almost dry and then gave her a tentative smile.

"What kind - what -" he sighed again and started over. "What did I ever do to deserve you?"

Alex quirked a smile of her own. "Don't try and set me up as some kind of saint. We're partners and we care about each other. You just haven't been letting me do a very good job lately."

Bobby turned serious. "Don't. Don't say that. I've - I'm the one who kept you away - out of the loop. It's my fault."

"No." She stood up and planted herself on the arm of the chair in order to wrap her arms around his shoulders. "I've pushed you away as well. After I was - after Jo Gage -" She shuddered as the memories of her kidnapping flooded her mind.

"But that was my fault." Bobby protested.

"No!" She almost shouted.

Bobby winced and she immediately backed down. "No," she repeated her tone quiet but just as firm. "It was not your fault."

"I should have been there for you."

"You were there for me - but I didn't accept your help. I thought that I could handle it on my own. I did exactly what you've been doing."

"You did handle it on your own." Bobby said sadly.

Alex turned her head, unable to meet his gaze.

Bobby cocked his head to one side, scrutinizing his partner carefully. "You handled it - right? Without me?"

She didn't answer choosing instead to reach for her wine glass before remembering that it was empty. "I - I'm going to get a refill. You want one?"

Still she wouldn't look at him and without waiting for an answer, headed for the kitchen.

For several moments, Bobby simply stared after her, his thoughts in turmoil, until he thought that he finally figured it out. Instantly he was on his feet and moving after her.

She was standing at the sink, staring out the window.

"Eames - " he started but she cut him off.

"You were busy, Bobby."

"I still would have helped. I wanted to help."

Alex sadly smiled and shook her head. "I wasn't going to let you. Wait - let me finish," she said when he opened his mouth to speak. "Look - first you spent most of your time blaming yourself."

He closed his mouth. She was definitely right about that.

"And then your mom . . . The point is - I saw a counselor, but you haven't let anyone in, Bobby. I'm not trying to be your therapist - but you've got to acknowledge that you're not alone and you don't have to do this by yourself. I'm your partner - if it affects you - it affects me. I want your support but I can't let myself accept it if you're not taking care of yourself first."

Bobby hung his head, his shoulders slumped. "You're right."

Alex raised her eyebrows. "Glad you know it."

Bobby grinned as the mood lightened noticeably. He felt like a load had been lifted as he glanced up to see his partner with a small smile as well. "So - are you all right?" He let his tone convey that he wasn't just talking about tonight.

Alex took a breath. "An occasional nightmare, extra security around here, but yeah - I'm all right." She went to the refrigerator and pulled out the wine and grabbed a beer. "Here," she handed him the can then proceeded to refill her glass.

"Thank you," Bobby murmured, setting the can down. "For - all - for everything."

"You're welcome." Alex said with a tip of her glass to him. "Thank you for the refreshments."

Bobby caught sight of the clock on the microwave. "It's late. I really should go and let you get some sleep." He moved as if to leave when Alex's hand shot out in a flash to grab hold of his arm. He turned back to stare at her. 

"Please, stay awhile longer." She stared back at him as he tried to read her expression, enjoying the feel of her touch.

"I'm not tired right now," she clarified.

"Okay - yeah. I can stay." He reached out to get the beer and waited while she dug in the cabinet for a bag of pretzels she had stashed away and a bowl to put them in.

This time he sat on one end of the couch and watched as she looked for the TV remote.

"Aha!" she exclaimed as she found it and then tossed it his way. "Here - fire it up. I've got 'Young Frankenstein' loaded." She settled next to him on the couch, close enough for their shoulders and knees to touch.

"'Young Frankenstein'? I didn't - you like Gene Wilder?"

Alex sipped at her wine with a grin. "Actually, I'm a huge Peter Boyle fan and this movie was one of his finest. You know he passed away recently?"

"Uh - no - I didn't."

"Well - I was going to watch it in honor of him and now to also have the pleasure of your company - someone who has -?" She left the question blank and waited for him to fill in the answer.

"Uh - I haven't seen it." he admitted ruefully.

"Even better. I love it when I get to watch a movie that I adore with someone who never has."

"Glad I fit the bill," Bobby grabbed some pretzels as the credits started.

"Perfectly," Alex whispered, almost too softly for him to hear.

By the end of the movie, the bottle of wine was almost empty and three more beers had been polished off along with the pretzels and half a can of roasted peanuts.

Bobby burped loudly, surprising a giggle from his partner. "Excuse me," he muttered, embarrassed, but charmed in the goofy sound of her laugh. "Are you ready - do you think that you can get some sleep now?"

The mere mention of sleep, elicited a nearly jaw-splitting yawn from her and then she giggled again. "Yeah -" she replied finally. "What about you?"

Bobby thought for a moment. "I'm probably going to sleep better tonight than I have in a long time," he admitted to her delight.

She quickly stood, taking his hand and dragging him along with her. "Come on - I have a guest room and I don't want you driving tonight." She began to lead him down the hall and when he opened his mouth to protest she immediately shushed him, stretching up to put a finger to his lips. "No arguments, partner." And before he could say another word, she gave him a quick hug and steered him into the room across from hers. "Bathroom is next door and I'll be right here if you need anything."

"Thank you," Bobby said, grateful and with a touch of bemusement in his voice. "Sweet dreams," he called just before she shut her door.

"You, too," her voice floated back just as he closed his own door. He looked around the small room that was completely taken up by a queen size bed, a narrow dresser and a single night stand with a small lamp.

He turned down the sheets and slipped off his shoes and socks before making a quick trip to the bathroom. Hearing running water from Alex's room he figured that she was similarly getting ready for sleep. Back in his room, he removed his shirt and slacks and after carefully laying them aside, he collapsed across the bed. Unlike previous nights of the past several months, he fell asleep within minutes and slept longer and deeper than he could remember doing since sometime last summer.

Chapter 2

A light steady rain began to fall just after dawn, obscuring the sunlight and keeping bedrooms dark, allowing Bobby to sleep in later than he normally would have, even on his day off.

He shook off his momentary disorientation at waking up in an unfamiliar bed when the events of last night came rushing back. Groaning softly, he stretched his arms then angled his wrist in order to check his watch.

10:15

He was shocked that he'd slept so long; realizing that he must have really needed to catch up on his sleep.

"Eames?" He thought, figuring that surely she would be up by now and hopefully had some coffee brewing, but as he got dressed he listened and heard nothing except the rain beating softly on the window.

It occurred to him that if she wasn't up yet, then maybe he could surprise her by making breakfast, confident that she would appreciate his special recipe omelet. Quietly he stepped out into the hall and moved towards the kitchen, passing the living room on the way.

And did a double take.

His partner was curled up on the couch, huddled under the afghan. For several seconds he just stared; trying to remember.

"She had gone to bed, right?"

Careful not to wake her, he slipped noiselessly back down the hall and peeked in her bedroom.

She had definitely been in there at some point. It looked like an epic battle had been fought on her bed the way the sheets and comforter were tangled and nearly off the bed and the pillows were across the room.

Either she hadn't made a sound or he'd really been out of it, he thought as he went back to check on her.

She was beginning to move restlessly about on the couch. Concerned that she would possibly fall; Bobby went to her side, sitting down carefully on the coffee table next to her. He debated whether he should try to wake her up or let her come around on her own.

Suddenly she sat straight up; her arms flew out, tossing the afghan off and trying to push herself back as if trying to escape – someone or something.

Instinctively, Bobby raised his arms to keep her from hurting herself. When her flailing arms came in contact with his, her body went rigid in fright or in pain; Bobby couldn't tell which. He moved in to sit behind her, locking one arm around her waist and putting his mouth to her ear, rocking them both slightly.

"Ssshh – it's me – it's Bobby," he murmured softly. He couldn't tell whose heart was pounding harder as he waited for her to come around.

"Bobby?" She whispered, dazed.

"Yeah," He eased up his grip and she relaxed back into him.

"What -?" She sounded breathless, out of it and she was trembling slightly.

"I'm here," He assured her, his voice low and soothing. Relieved that she was responding, he moved his hands up to cup her shoulders and squeeze gently. "Just stay still a minute. You woke up a bit abruptly."

"Yeah – okay," She replied taking several deep breaths. She lifted her shaking hands to her face, trying to get under control.

Bobby eased back, letting his own hands fall to his lap, suddenly unsure if he'd crossed some kind of line concerning the appropriateness of his actions regarding his partner.

Finally she seemed to have shaken off the last remnants of the deep sleep she'd been so unexpectedly awakened from, taking formal notice of the fact that her partner was sitting directly behind her and she was almost in his lap wearing only her pajamas.

She reached for the afghan and pulled it close; scooting around so that she could see him better and he quickly rose to a standing position.

"No – no, sit down," she admonished him lightly. "I was just trying to figure out how I got out here."

Bobby cocked his head to one side as he sat back down, his face full of concern. "You don't remember coming out here?"

Alex shook her head, looking around the room as if the answer was going to present itself. "What time is it?"

"10:30," Bobby answered with a quick glance at his watch and observed his partner's eyes go wide. "That was some nightmare you were having."

Alex looked away. "Uh – yeah – it happens now and then. I told you last night."

Bobby pursed his lips. "Yes – but you didn't tell me what they were," He pointed out.

"And I'd really rather not now," She said, not unkindly. "Just your standard nightmare, but I don't think I've ever. . ." she trailed off uncertainty clouding her features.

"Sleepwalking is new for you?" He pressed lightly.

"I just don't remember coming out here."

"I'll take that as a yes," Bobby stood up again. "Why don't I make some coffee and you can get dressed."

"That sounds great," she moved to stand. Bobby reached out a hand to steady her when she faltered. "Thanks." She mumbled untangling herself from the covers and started towards the bedroom.

"Let me warn you, I checked your room and it looks like you and your linens went a few rounds." Bobby said after he watched to make sure that she was all right then went to make coffee.

Alex realized that he wasn't exaggerating and she was relieved that she hadn't broken anything. As she brushed her teeth and got dressed, she tried to remember exactly what her nightmare had been about. Since her kidnapping, she'd had nightmares usually involving Jo and she'd always recalled them vividly the next morning. This was different. Jo hadn't been in her nightmare and nothing had been familiar. She wondered what it meant. The fact that she had been sleepwalking unnerved her and for the first time since her attack, she felt vulnerable and she didn't like it.

Then she berated herself for giving credence to an isolated incident and she decided to just try and forget about it and go get the coffee that Bobby had promised.

The rest of the weekend was uneventful. There were no further nightmares and no more sleepwalking and for that she was extremely grateful. She decided to visit her family since Bobby had said that he'd be with his mom until Sunday night.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Monday 8:20 am

Alex sipped carefully at the steaming hot coffee that her partner had brought for her. "So, what are you trying to distract me from seeing?" she asked, watching him set down his portfolio and coffee cup.

"I'm not trying to distract you," he answered quickly; a little too quickly, she thought, eyeing him closely as he puttered around his desk. He looked disheveled and his usual facial stubble added to the look when his forehead was creased with worry.

Oblivious to her scrutiny, Bobby scooted his chair back far enough to stretch his long legs out. He let his head fall back and slumped down in the seat, running his hands over his face.

Concern and guilt hit Alex like a 1-2 sucker punch. "Bobby -" She started to get up but Bobby pulled himself forward motioning her to stay put.

"I'm okay. I – uh – yesterday was bad."

Alex winced. "I'm sorry," she said softly, settling back in her own chair so as not to draw the attention of her co-workers.

"No," he shook his head. "Don't apologize. Mom – she – she's giving the nurses and doctors a – a really rough time."

"And you're trying to smooth things over," she finished for him.

Bobby looked at her, forcing himself to see the compassion and concern in her eyes.

And accept it.

"Yeah," he acknowledged.

Alex nodded with a small smile and resumed her work.

Bobby stared at her, overwhelmed all over again at how much his partner meant to him. She had helped with just a smile. Sometimes just a look could convey her understanding and concern, but never pity. He couldn't believe how much better he was feeling, just by letting her in and was mad at himself for not doing it sooner.

He was startled out of his reverie by a shout from across the room. "Hey – Goren! Urgent call on line 3."

Alex jerked her head up in time to see the color drain from her partner's face when he snapped up in his chair. As he reached for the phone, their eyes locked and they knew that they were both thinking the same thing.

She's dead.

A few seconds into the conversation and Bobby's whole body sagged in obvious relief.

"Mom?" Alex mouthed, already sure that it wasn't.

Bobby shook his head then grabbed a pen without elaborating.

Curious, Alex attempted to figure out who he was talking to, and tried unsuccessfully to return to her own work. Every so often she would look up in time to see Bobby cast furtive glances at her, and then abruptly look away.

"All right," Bobby said. "I know how she can be. I'll check into it. Yes, right away. I'll get back to you." Finally he hung up, but to Alex's surprise, he still wouldn't meet her eyes.

"What's wrong, Bobby? Who was it?"

"A – uh – someone I know needs help – I – uh – it's personal." Bobby rubbed his jaw, hating that he couldn't talk to her about this.

Alex's eyes grew wide. "You can't tell me?" She tried not to sound hurt, but she was too astonished to hide it.

"Not right now," Bobby tried to placate her, finally letting his eyes meet hers. "I promise I will after I can assess the situation." He glanced down at his watch. "Aren't you supposed to be at the hospital pretty soon?"

Alex was taken aback by the subject change and she reasoned that she shouldn't be surprised that he remembered that her nephew was having surgery today. She waged an internal battle over whether or not to press Bobby on the phone call but common sense prevailed. He told her that it was personal and that he'd talk about it later. With a sigh she backed off.

"Yeah – I've got to go. Let me remind the Captain." She quickly stood up and walked away.

Bobby was grateful for the diversion. He didn't want her to know that Jo Gage was currently severely agitated because her father hadn't shown up for a scheduled visit and she was being sedated to protect herself.

Captain Ross' door was open and he was talking on the phone when Alex stepped over. She stood in the doorway, unsure if she should wait for him to finish.

"I understand, sir," Ross was saying, his face neutral. "I'll talk to him." He caught sight of Eames and froze.

Alex raised her eyebrows and pointed behind her, silently asking if she should leave.

Ross shook his head. "Yes, sir. I'm still here. I'll get him out there now." He listened while Alex shifted impatiently from one foot to the other, not really trying to eavesdrop and wanting to head over to the hospital.

Ross' next words grabbed her attention though and all thoughts of her nephew vanished. "No, sir. It's not a problem; I'll switch them up on this one. I understand and I agree." He hung up the phone. "What is it?" he asked, giving his detective his attention.

Alex paused, momentarily forgetting why she was in Ross' office. (Who was he switching?)

"Detective Eames!" Ross snapped impatiently, "Did you need something?"

Alex quickly recovered. "I didn't know if you remembered that I was leaving early today for my nephew's surgery."

Was she imagining it or did a look of relief flicker across his face.

"No – I didn't remember, but that's fine."

"His whole demeanor seemed to change," Alex thought. "It's like he's glad I'm going."

"I won't call you unless it's urgent," he said casually and picked up file folders and a pen.

Alex was suspicious. "There's nothing going on now?" She pried.

"Nothing that we can't handle," Ross dodged easily. "You go on. We'll hold down the fort."

Alex knew that she'd been dismissed and without another word, turned on her heel and left. With a frustrated sigh, she hurried back to her desk and grabbed her bag. Bobby was on the phone again.

"Yes, I'll hold. See you later, Eames," he said as she waived.

She almost made it to the elevator when she heard Ross call for Goren and Wheeler to come to his office.

Reluctantly, she got in and sank back against the wall, wondering what the hell was going on.

Chapter 4

Ross indicated that Wheeler and Goren should have a seat as he planted himself in front of his desk and crossed his arms. "Detective Goren, when was the last time you were in contact with Declan Gage?"

Bobby did a double take. "Uh – not in – uh – I haven't spoken to him since – since sometime in October." He glanced over at Wheeler who looked back at him. He knew she was wondering why she was in here if Ross was discussing Declan Gage. "I did just get a phone call about his daughter. He was supposed to see her on Saturday and he hasn't showed. They're having to sedate her now. I said I'd look into it, if that's okay."

Ross clenched his jaw. "That won't be necessary. I just got a call from the Chief of D's. Declan Gage was found in his hotel room – murdered. Responding officers said it looked like he'd been dead a couple of days. I want you and Wheeler to handle this. I don't want Eames involved, but I didn't think I'd be able to keep you away, Goren. Can you handle it?"

Bobby kept his face neutral despite the shocking news. Gage was dead. Wheeler's eyes were wide, but she remained silent. He nodded at Ross. "I can handle this."

Ross just stared, but as he assessed his detective, he did feel a little more confident. He couldn't put his finger on it, but Goren did seem more at ease than he had in a long while. "How's your mother?"

Bobby didn't even blink. "There's nothing more I can do for her. I need to close this chapter after what happened to Eames. I need to see this to the end. I can handle this, sir. Besides, I owe it to him to find out who killed him."

"Well, I don't know if you owe him anything," Ross retorted, "but fine. Wheeler, you'll be working with Goren for however long this takes. Goren, catch her up on the specifics and get over to the crime scene."

"What about Eames?" Bobby had to ask. "She's going to be –"

"I'll take care of Eames," Ross told him curtly. "Get going."

Goren and Wheeler were immediately on their feet.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 5

By the time they arrived at Gage's hotel, the CSU team were ready with a preliminary report. When Wheeler and Goren got their first look at their victim, neither could hide their shock. Nor could they mask their revulsion: the air in the room was absolutely fetid with death and decay.

"How in the hell were they even sure it was Gage?" Wheeler asked, her face pinched with disgust.

Goren scrutinized the body and showed no further emotion; his mind was racing, focused on the grisly details. "It's personal. The rage – it's obvious – the killer knew him – it's not – this wasn't random."

Wheeler looked around the room. "Do you know of anyone who would want to hurt him?" She spotted the manila envelope and read the label. "Hey, Goren, check this out." She picked it up with her gloved hands. "You said his daughter tried to copy Sebastian, right?"

Goren nodded and began thumbing through the papers and the photos. "This is Declan's original case file. He gave me a copy last year when we thought Sebastian had returned."

Wheeler nodded. "So, why does he have it out here?" She wondered aloud.

Goren shrugged. "I'm sure that his visitations with Jo are about Sebastian, at least some, so maybe he's adding to the file." He skipped to the end. "Yeah, here it is. He's been putting everything Jo is telling him." He fell silent as a wave of nausea came over him. Alex's name. And his own. Declan had written not only what Jo had done to Alex: in vivid, graphic detail, but also the torment that Bobby had suffered trying to find his partner, wondering if she was dead or alive. He stared at the writing before him. Declan had left nothing out: the anguish and horror and fury were all there as well as how he'd been convinced it was Sebastian all along until confronted with the truth about his own daughter.

Wheeler patiently waited, seeing the effect it was having on him but since she didn't really "get" Goren yet, she decided to let him make the first move. Finally, Goren slammed the papers down and tried to mentally regroup.

"Are you okay, Goren?" She asked as an icebreaker, even though she knew what the answer would be.

"Yeah," Bobby rasped, putting the file behind him literally and figuratively.

"So, Sebastian was never caught, right?"

Goren shook his head. "We don't know if he's even alive. Jo resurrected the M.O. to get an in with her father. We stopped her – nothing else has happened like it since."

Wheeler watched the body of Declan Gage get carted off in the body bag. "Do you think he found out Gage's daughter tried to copy cat his signature?"

Goren was silent.

"Maybe as a way to punish Jo?" Wheeler persisted.

Goren pondered it. "That's an awful lot of rage when ultimately it brought his reign of terror back to the forefront. However, Jo isn't very accessible where she's at now, so perhaps. . ."

The M.E. stepped over. "I thought you'd like to know – I think most of the physical damage was done post mortem. I'll have to run some tests, but there's a possibility he was already dead before the beating. I'll see you at the morgue."

"Did we get anything from the canvas of guests?" Wheeler asked.

Officer Brad Simmons reported that two guests remembered hearing some bumps and some shouting, but it was over pretty quickly and neither one called it in since it was 2:30 on Saturday morning when it happened, they just forgot about it the next day. Maids report that the "Do Not Disturb" sign was out. We're pulling the security tapes now and fingerprinting anyone with access to his room."

Goren and Wheeler did their own search and didn't find anything else of interest and decided to head back to the station. Bobby thought about what the M.E. had said. "Dead before he was beaten. That doesn't make much sense – why beat a dead body?"

"The rage," Wheeler mused. "The killer was either already enraged when he got here. . ."

"Or got enraged when he found out Gage was already dead," Bobby finished.

"Why would Gage's death piss him off so much?" She pondered.

Both detectives tried to come up with possible explanations as they headed out through the hotel lobby. Bobby was itching to go through his portfolio and notes in an effort to get a read on the murder. He was especially eager to hear what the autopsy would show.

"Detective Goren."

Goren and Wheeler stopped when they heard an unfamiliar voice call out. They turned back to see a man wearing a white waiter's coat, calling to them from the doorway to the hotel's restaurant. The two detectives quickly sized the guy up – late 40's, medium height, built solid.

"Who's this guy?" Wheeler muttered, watching the guy nervously glance around to see if anybody else was watching; his eyes shrunk to the size of pinpricks.

"Can I talk to you, Detective?" The man stage-whispered, motioning them to come over. "The officers said that you're in charge."

Puzzled, Goren stepped over with Wheeler right behind as the waiter held the door open for them.

The huge, elegant restaurant was currently empty. Every table was covered with heavy white linen cloths, crystal, silver and fine china. The floral arrangements were made with fresh flowers and the mood lighting was dim.

"So, you're in charge, right?" the waiter persisted.

Bobby leaned against the nearest table. "Yes, I'm Detective Goren from Major Case. This is my – this is Detective Wheeler. Did you have some information on the case, Mister –?"

"I didn't want the other guys to see me talking to you."

Wheeler stared at the man; she was getting the distinct feeling that something wasn't right as she looked around the cavernous room. She took a few cautious steps back. No one else had come in or seemed to be on duty.

Goren cocked his head as he opened up his portfolio and propped it on his right arm. He looked at the man expectantly. He held his pen, showing that he was waiting for an answer that he could write down. "What's your name?"

The man's eyes lit up. "Oh – I'm sorry!" he exclaimed brightly. "I thought you knew – I'm Sebastian!"

Chapter 6

Meagan Wheeler reacted instantly, but she still wasn't fast enough to outdraw Sebastian, who already had his gun out, a silencer attached. Without hesitation, he fired at her, hitting directly above her left knee. She dropped to the ground with a strangled cry of pain; both hands reaching for her leg and trying to staunch the flow of blood.

"No!" With a horrified shout, Bobby Goren released his hold on his portfolio, freeing his hands to get his own gun, but he wasn't quick enough either. Sebastian shifted his aim, putting the muzzle of the gun inches from Bobby's face.

"Hands up, Detective," Sebastian ordered with an evil grin.

Goren complied, even as he tried to assess how Wheeler was doing. Her right hand was covered in blood and he noticed that she was trying to maneuver her left hand to reach for something. It couldn't be her gun, he realized, because it had fallen too far away when she was hit. Whatever it was, he knew that he'd better distract Sebastian.

"Hey – man – don't shoot!" He said loudly, keeping his eyes focused on Sebastian.

"Why Detective Goren, I have no intention of shooting you unless I have to." As he spoke, he reached out his right foot to kick Wheeler's gun further away. "What I want you to do is to very – very slowly remove your gun, your handcuffs and your cell phone."

"Okay – okay –" Bobby kept talking and portraying himself as nothing but cooperative and trying to prevent Sebastian from looking at Wheeler, writhing on the floor, moaning quietly and trying to hide it.

"Okay – they're out – on the table – okay – look – let me at least wrap something around her leg – okay – just let me help her," Bobby pleaded.

"First, I want you to remove her cuffs and put them on her. Then and only if you do it correctly – then you can help her."

Bobby moved carefully, keeping his eyes on Sebastian and one had up as he grabbed one of the large napkins off the table. "Look – I'm going slow – I'm going to get her cuffs."

With exaggerated slowness, he bent down and sheltered Meagan from Sebastian's direct line of sight as he fumbled at her waist for her cuffs.

She met his eyes and tried to let him know it was okay, even though her face was a mask of pure pain.

"I'm sorry, Wheeler," Bobby whispered brokenly.

"I – I know," she groaned.

He felt her hands groping at his jacket and he tried not to react.

"Hey!" Sebastian yelled, noticing the movement, "Just put the cuffs on!"

"Settle down, I'm doing it," Bobby said, wondering what Wheeler had put in his pocket as he secured the cuffs. He wanted to make sure that he got the napkin around her upper leg as a tourniquet before Sebastian changed his mind. It looked like a major blood vessel had been hit and he tried to make it as tight as possible and attempted to not react in response to Wheeler's obvious agony.

Sebastian turned slightly to get Bobby's cuffs from the table. "Stand up, Detective, and cuff one of your wrists then let her cuff the other."

Bobby hesitated.

"Do it, Detective, or I put the next bullet in her face."

"Okay – okay," Bobby gave in, doing as Sebastian ordered. When he bent down again, he noticed that Wheeler was barely conscious; her face white with shock and pain. He hoped that the tourniquet would stop further blood loss but he knew that she needed medical help quickly.

"Come on, Wheeler," he said softly. "I need you to cuff me."

Weakly she pulled her arms up. Her hands shaking and slick with her own blood, she managed to get the metal bracelet on before slumping back, breathless with the meager effort the small movement took.

"Let's go, Detective," Sebastian barked, moving to grab Bobby's arm and pull him up.

Bobby looked back down. He wished that he could do something else for her then guiltily realized a tiny part of him was grateful that it wasn't Eames lying on the floor, bleeding and in such agonizing pain.

Sebastian reached out to snag Goren's shield, shrugging out of the white waiter's jacket. "All right, Detective – here's how it's going to go. You and I are going to walk out of here together. No sudden movements, and don't try to talk to anyone – keep your head down."

Goren simply nodded. He stared back at Wheeler, hoping like hell that someone came in here soon because he doubted that she'd be able to get out on her own at this point. The last thing he thought as he left was that Logan was probably going to kill him for this if he survived Sebastian.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 7

Bobby let Sebastian guide him out a back door of the restaurant, passing staff that was starting to come on duty. They all stared at his cuffed hands, but Sebastian kept moving too quickly for anyone to comment. Bobby would have given anything if he could somehow let them know about Wheeler and get help for her before it was too late but he was mindful of Sebastian's gun and didn't want anyone else to get hurt either.

Sebastian led him to an unmarked black van parked at the curb just outside the hotel. He kept Bobby close enough to put the gun at Bobby's back and use his other hand to slide open the side door.

It was a standard work van; no seats in the back, and a sheet of metal separating the front seats from the rest of the cargo area. Goren noticed that the right front section had been smashed in.

"Get in Detective," Sebastian ordered, "and sit with your back to the wall here."

Bobby did as he was directed, heedful of the gun just inches away. He watched Sebastian step in after him and reach for a thick bicycle chain and loop it through the handcuffs and a metal clamp on the wall.

"Okay, Detective, off we go for some fun and games," Sebastian said with a sadistic laugh. "Wait until you see the surprise I have for you in here." He backed out and slammed the door shut, then hurried around to the front door and climbed back in.

Bobby tried to brace himself as Sebastian put the vehicle in gear and took off at an alarming speed. He couldn't see the traffic from his seated position on the floor, but he could hear tires squealing and horns blaring outside.

Holding on to the chain helped stabilize his position, allowing him to shift around and take notice of the rest of the van's interior. He wasn't surprised that there wasn't anything that he could possibly use as a weapon and in fact, the only other object he saw was what looked like a large drop cloth splattered with red paint, wadded up into a pile.

He was about to turn away when he remembered that Sebastian had said that there was something in the van for him – a surprise. Suddenly, he caught a whiff of an odor that he hadn't noticed before: faintly metallic – familiar. In the next instant he realized that it wasn't red paint on the cloth – it was blood. After that, it didn't take but a few seconds to see that he wasn't alone back here.

"Jo!" He thought. "Sebastian got Declan – now he had Jo! Jo was in here – hurt!"

Now Bobby began putting real effort into pulling at the bicycle chain, desperately struggling to get free and get to Jo, but he only succeeded in bruising and scraping his handcuffed wrists.

"Dammit!" He swore, as he reassessed his options. He saw that with his legs unfettered, he could raise his arms over his head and slide down to stretch out his feet.

It felt like he was about to dislocate his shoulders, but with extra squirming, he was finally able to get his feet on a corner of the cloth and began inching his legs and hips backwards, trying to bring the cloth with him. He hoped that Jo was tangled up enough to slide towards him as he pulled.

After a couple of minutes he was breathless and sweating, but he was able to hook his large feet around what felt like Jo's feet. The rest of her body was obscured from his vision and he was becoming alarmed that she remained unresponsive despite his awkward attempts to move her closer.

With the muscles in his shoulders and arms screaming in pain, Bobby dimly realized that he now had some clearer idea what Eames had felt as she was nearly suspended from the ceiling during her captivity. He'd only been at this for five minutes – he had no idea how she had managed all those terrifying hours. It seemed ironic that he was trying to help the very person that had nearly killed his partner.

Trying to use his feet like hands was extremely tedious, but he was at last successful at getting her body to where he could now rearrange himself and extricate her from the heavy drop cloth. He knew something was wrong as soon as he exposed her feet.

Black boots with a stacked heel.

No, that wasn't right. Jo wasn't allowed to wear that type of footwear.

He pulled more of the cloth back to reveal black pants. No – she can't wear black pants. Prisoners weren't allowed to wear black pants.

No, no, no. No, this isn't - no – " Bobby couldn't believe it, wouldn't believe it. Even as he struggled to pull more of the bloodied cloth away to reveal a familiar feminine body, he denied that it was her. "No – this is not – it can't be – "

Her head rolled to expose her face.

And it wasn't Jo Gage.

His partner Alex Eames lay unconscious before him, her dark blonde hair was such a tangled bloodied mess that he couldn't tell where the actual injury was. Her left eye was swollen shut, her left jaw bruised and her mouth had a cut on the upper lip. The injuries looked fresh.

Sebastian hadn't gotten to Jo at all.

Chapter 8

Detective Meagan Wheeler continued to somehow stay awake, maintaining her tenuous hold on her leg, but she was rapidly losing her battle. The darkness of unconsciousness was a powerful foe and it promised to take away her pain but she also knew that that way also promised death. She resisted with every ounce of willpower she could muster to try and get out of here and get help for Goren.

She lost all sense of time as she struggled to move towards the door of the restaurant. Not making any real headway, she at last began to hear voices of the arriving wait staff. It took a monumental effort on her part to get her voice heard, but she was finally spotted by two young men who immediately called for help.

Chapter 9

Detective Mike Logan shrugged out of his coat and looked around the squad room expectantly. "Where the hell is everyone?" He muttered, taking a detour to the coffeepot. Disgruntled at finding it empty, he headed for the vending machines and deposited the required seventy-five cents for a coke.

Two large gulps later, he was at his desk staring at a pink message slip. With a sigh he drained the can and slam-dunked it.

"You wanted to see me, Cap?"

Ross looked up. "The jury came back?"

"Yeah – guilty on all counts." Logan replied smugly, unable to mask his satisfaction, but then he remembered his absent partner. "Uh – say do you know where Wheeler is?"

Ross sat back in his chair, rolling his pen between his fingers. "Something's come up. I've got her out with Goren."

Logan blinked. "With Goren? Are you sure she's ready for that?"

Ross put his pen down and pulled himself forward. "Very funny."

"Who's being funny? Don't you think she should have spent some time with Eames first to prepare her?" Logan retorted smartly.

"All right, Logan, enough." Ross wasn't in the mood for games as he leaned in and slammed his pen down. "Something has come up."

"What exactly, if I might ask?"

Ross clenched his jaw. "Declan Gage is dead," he stated bluntly. "I'm putting Goren on the case."

Logan nodded slowly, reading the situation instantly.

"Chief of D's wants Goren on the case," Ross went on, "but we agree that Eames doesn't need to be involved on this one."

Stunned, Logan nodded again. "Gage is dead. Yeah – Eames definitely doesn't need to be anywhere on that – whether she likes it or not." He shuddered as he remembered his brief visit to her hospital room after her return.

It had really shaken him to the see her so vulnerable, when she had never once been that way in the time he'd known her. From the very beginning she'd faced him toe to toe with her boots and her attitude to match. She'd earned his respect from the start and her persona prevented him from ever seeing her as less than 6 feet tall in his eyes.

All it had taken was a hospital bed, bandages and the terror of her captivity to strip away the Detective Eames that he used to see every day. He was extremely proud of how she'd bounced back; whole in his eyes and he wanted to keep it that way.

Ross watched him closely, seeing an expression that surely had matched his own. He had a pretty good idea what Logan was thinking and it reminded him of his visit to Eames' torture chamber. He remembered the horror and the fury that he had felt as he saw the evidence of what she'd gone through.

He knew that his first case on Major Case had very nearly cost him his senior detective. It wasn't a very auspicious beginning and he'd be damned if he'd jeopardize her again in that way.

"Have they checked in, Cap?" Logan asked, startling Ross out of his thoughts.

"Oh – uh –" He glanced at his watch. "No – no they haven't'" His brow furrowed in consternation. He picked up the phone. "Get me, Det. Goren."

Logan reached for his cell and stepped back to try his own partner.

Neither received an answer.

"What the hell?" Logan hit redial.

"Captain Ross!"

Ross jerked his head up at the shout. "Emergency – Line 1!"

Logan closed his phone and watched in dread fascination as his Captain fielded the call.

"All right – I'm on my way! Someone stay with her. Take down everything she says. Get CSU down there. What about Goren?"

Logan slumped to a chair. "Oh shit – no," he thought.

Ross looked over at him, his mouth went dry. Numb with horror he finished listening to the report and hung up. "They're still trying to piece it together. Somehow Goren and Wheeler ended up in the hotel restaurant where Wheeler was shot at close range in her upper leg. It looked pretty bad; she's being transported now. All they got out of her is 'Sebastian' and that Goren was cuffed and taken away by some guy in waiter's jacket."

Logan felt a wave of dread welling inside and he struggled to push it down. "I'll call Eames." Ross was already out of the door.

In a scene that eerily reminded him of the day Eames had been taken, he hurried into the squad room barking orders. "Put a trace on Goren's phone. Get the report on any vehicles near the restaurant, witnesses – video surveillance - I want a full description of this guy in 10 minutes!"

"Captain! Line 3!"

"Jesus Christ – now what?"

Logan felt nearly overwhelmed as he tried to take it all in. Wheeler shot – Goren kidnapped – Eames wasn't picking up her phone and now his Captain's face was ashen.

As Ross listened on the phone, he literally had to sit down.

Logan went to him. "Captain – what is it? What's going on?"

Ross shook his head as if to clear it. "We just got a report on a hit and run. Black van."

"Who'd he hit?"

"Eames. I want a trace on Eames' phone as well and get the full description of the van. Witnesses state that he rammed her car outside the Children's Hospital of New York, pulled her out, put her in the van and took off. They all said they thought he was taking her to the Emergency room across from where he hit her, but he just drove off. No one had a chance to follow."

"What?!" Logan felt like his brain could not absorb or process what he was hearing. None of this seemed real.

A sense of panic was rising in him, almost faster than he could keep it under control but he did control it; knowing that the lives of Wheeler, Goren and Eames depended on it.

"I'm going to Wheeler," he stated flatly.

"We're going," Ross corrected him.

The two men faced each other, drawing strength and offering it back.

"Let's go," Ross said, setting his jaw and squaring his shoulders.

"Right behind you," Logan replied. "Do you think whoever has Goren has Eames?"

Ross' answer chilled him to the bone. "If Wheeler is right and it's Sebastian – the real Sebastian – I'm sure of it."


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 10

Bobby Goren was absolutely devastated at how his partner had been brutalized. "Oh God - Eames!" he choked, unable to breathe as he tried to get her body closer. He attempted to check for a pulse but the damned handcuffs and chain prevented him from doing so. Enraged, he roared like a bull elephant as a mighty rush of adrenalin surged through him and he corralled all of his effort and energy in pulling the chain with several muscle-tearing jerks and finally succeeded in getting one blood-soaked hand out of the cuff that Wheeler had attached, just loose enough.

"God bless you, Wheeler," he thought. Panting heavily, he was at last able to reach her neck.

"Eames," his voice raspy as he begged any and all gods that she was still alive. His hand was shaking so badly he was afraid he wouldn't be able to tell if she had a pulse. Then he found it, thready and weak, but it was there and his body slumped in relief.

He couldn't imagine how Sebastian had gotten to her; she was supposed to be with her nephew, and he remained extremely alarmed that she hadn't regained consciousness yet. It was awkward, but he managed to carefully run his free hand over her body, searching for additional injuries and trying to prevent further damage.

He wiped his face with his sleeve, trying to clear the sweat that was dripping in his eyes as he found the gash at the back of her head that had obviously bled quite a bit. Judging by the severe swelling of her left cheek and eye it was most likely fractured and her upper lip had a gash as well, but it was no longer bleeding. He couldn't tell if there were any other injuries to her arms without getting her out of her thick jacket.

"Come on, Eames," he implored, nearly overwhelmed by his fear for her right now. "Eames – please – you need to wake up for me – wake up."

His hands were sticky with blood; his and Eames' and he had to swallow several times in an effort not to throw up. Blood had never bothered him before, but this – this was different. His chest felt so tight that he doubted he was actually breathing.

At that moment, the van ran over what sounded like a curb with enough force to send Goren and Eames up into the air and then quickly back to the floor. Goren landed hard on his left hip. "Dammnit!" he swore as the pain shot down his leg like a bolt of electricity. He pushed past it to reach for his partner.

Before he could get his hands around her though, the van skidded to a stop sending Goren crashing into the metal wall behind him. Thankfully Eames slid into him and he was able to pull her limp body into his lap.

"Alex! Come on – wake up!" Goren knew it was bad - now he was calling her by her first name. He wondered where the hell they were and what was going to happen next. "Wake up –"

He was interrupted when Sebastian opened the door. "So, how are we doing back here?" Sebastian asked with a leer.

Goren jerked his head up at the evil tone that sent a cold chill through him and he found himself looking into the eyes of a madman. An insane psychopath with a gun pointed at his head.

Sebastian took notice that Eames was unconscious and it set his rage off like flipping a switch. "No! No – she has to be awake! This is no good – wake her up! Right now – wake her up!"

Goren tried not to flinch as Sebastian's rage reared its ugly head. He wasn't exactly sure what Sebastian had planned that required Eames to be conscious but he had a pretty good idea based on Sebastian's history as a sadistic, ritualistic serial killer and suddenly he was extremely grateful that she wasn't. It suddenly became clear to him that Declan's death had spoiled his earlier plans and if Eames wasn't awake for whatever was planned now; Sebastian's rage would more than likely be directed at her. He had to stop him and turn the focus away from his partner.

"Sebastian! I'm – I'm awake – talk to me!"

"No! Wake her up!" Sebastian screamed, reaching in for Eames' arm and began to unceremoniously drag her out of the van like a rag doll.

"No!" Goren yelled, managing to grab Eames' other arm. He was determined not to let go just as Sebastian was unrelenting in his determination to pull Eames away making her the unwilling participant in a violent game of tug of war. He looked at Sebastian's face and wasn't surprised to see that his narrow feral eyes held not a bit of sanity. With a strangled sob he realized he had to relinquish his hold or risk tearing his partner in half after only a few seconds.

Chapter 11

Captain Ross allowed Mike Logan to drive to the hospital so he could field the numerous reports coming in. They had a partial license plate of the van that had hit Eames' car. There were 2 men at the hotel restaurant that were able to confirm that it was the same van that Goren had gotten in.

Ross and Logan were furious that Goren had been cuffed and that Sebastian had walked him out like a prisoner behind Goren's own badge. Every available officer was sent descriptions of Sebastian and the van.

"What about the trace on the cell phones?" Logan asked as he pulled into the emergency department's parking lot and quickly exited the car.

Ross was right beside him. "Goren's phone is at the hotel; Eames' was in her car so no luck on that end."

They were met at the admissions desk by Officer Jack Cain who had ridden in with Wheeler.

"Captain Ross – they're just about to take her up to surgery."

"How is she?" Logan asked; his heart in his throat.

"They said she lost a lot of blood. She couldn't say much, but she did tell me that Sebastian had let Det. Goren put a tourniquet on her leg. The doctor said it saved her life."

Ross made a mental note to write up a commendation. "What else did she say?"

Officer Cain pulled out his notepad. "I called in the description of the man she called Sebastian. She said he lured them into the empty restaurant, disguised as a waiter with information on the case."

"Captain Ross!"

All three men turned to see a nurse hurrying their way.

"I'm Captain Ross," he said stepping forward. "What is it?"

"Detective Wheeler is asking for you – says it's a matter of life and death but you need to make it quick – they need to get her to surgery now. Come on." She hurried back with Ross and Logan hot on her heels.

"They're taking her up now – follow along," the nurse directed them.

They met up with Wheeler as she was being pushed into the elevator. Both men were positively stricken at the sight. She had three IV's infusing into her, one a unit of blood, the cardiac monitor was attached, and there was an oxygen mask over her face. Her skin seemed as white as the sheets she was lying on; even her freckles seemed to have lost their color and her eyes were barely open.

Ross and Logan managed to squeeze into the elevator.

"Wheeler – it's Captain Ross."

"Captain-" She whispered, "I – I almost forgot –" she tried to reach up to remove the mask.

"Take it easy, Wheeler," Logan soothed, as he placed his hand on hers. Her skin was cool to the touch and he winced when he noticed that one of the IV's had been inserted at her neck.

Ross leaned in as close as he could. "What, Wheeler, what did you need to tell us?" He prompted her gently as he carefully pulled the mask away just enough to hear her.

"I – I put my – my cell phone – " She was struggling to stay awake, despite the doctor's admonishment to be still and put the mask back on.

"Let her finish!" Ross barked. "I've got 2 detectives whose lives may very well depend on what she knows."

"Goren's pocket," Wheeler murmured, "it's in his pocket."

As the elevator doors opened back up, Wheeler succumbed to the pull of unconsciousness and she was whisked away to the surgical suite.

Logan and Ross stayed back in dumbfounded disbelief. "Shit!" Logan swore. "We've been tracing Goren and Eames' phones – we never thought to trace Wheeler's."

Ross had his own phone out and called it in. "Come on Logan, there's nothing we can do here until she gets out of surgery. I want Sebastian and I want him now."

Logan hesitated only a moment; he wanted to be there for Wheeler, but knew that Ross was right. Sebastian was going to pay and he was going to personally make sure of it.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 12

"Stop it!" Goren yelled, still trying to free his other hand. "Please – don't hurt her!" He felt like he would get on his knees and beg if only Sebastian would let Eames go.

"Shut up, Detective!" Sebastian snarled as he flung Eames over his shoulder, letting her head and arms hang limply down his back.

"Wait! Where are you taking her?" Goren was frantic now. He had no idea where they were – all he could see were trees and shrubbery. He feverishly kept up his efforts to get loose as he tried to stall his captor. He knew he couldn't let Eames out of his sight or he would risk losing her forever.

Sebastian realized that Goren had partially freed himself so he quickly raised his gun and took aim.

Goren reacted instinctively, flattening himself down as far as possible but Sebastian was too close to miss his target. The bullet pierced Bobby on his right side just above his hip. The white hot pain ripped a hoarse shout from his already dry throat and he clamped his free hand over the wound; his breaths coming in short harsh gasps.

"God – no –" he thought, panting heavily as he struggled to push past the agonizing pain and get to his partner. He looked up to see Sebastian calmly turn and walk away with Eames still draped over his shoulder.

"Eames!" He shouted watching in horror as Sebastian disappeared into the trees.

After that, time became meaningless as he resumed his struggle to pull his right hand free of the handcuff; unwilling to let his mind conjure up scenarios of what Sebastian was doing to his partner. Whatever plans Sebastian had made for Declan had been spoiled by his death and now Eames was unable to participate in Sebastian's latest scheme.

Chapter 13

NYPD police cruisers raced through the Holland Tunnel with Logan driving the lead car. Ross relayed directions to him as he received them from the trace on Wheeler's phone. They soon found themselves in Lincoln Park heading for the area closest to the Hackensack River.

The place was obviously deserted and had rarely been traveled; covered with dense shrubbery and large trees everywhere. Ross ordered lights and sirens off and when the dirt road ended they all climbed out of their cars, guns drawn. Logan spotted the van up ahead.

Using hand signals only, the officers spread out to encircle the van. Ross made sure that his Kevlar vest was secure and positioned properly and took his position outside the van door.

He signaled the men, took a deep breath and pointed his gun inside.

"NYPD!" He announced, moving in front of the door, his gun at the ready. "Put your-" and then he realized that it was only Goren.

The voice should have sounded familiar but Goren was completely focused and never heard his commander.

"Goren!" Ross holstered his gun and climbed in, trying to get his detective's attention. He placed a hand on Goren's shoulder. "Detective –"

Goren jerked around. It took a second for it to register that help had arrived, but when it did, he reached out his free hand to grasp Ross' arm. "Captain! He's got Eames! Sebastian's got Eames!"

Ross had a strange sense of déjà vu at Goren's words. He shook his head as if to clear it. "Where did he go?"

He let Logan squeeze in next to him and undo the handcuff. "Christ, Goren," Logan exclaimed, "Where did all the blood come from?"

"Part – part of it's Eames – we have to – to find her –" Goren struggled to get up but shock was starting to set in. Ross and Logan caught him and eased him back down, pulling his jacket away.

"Captain – he's been shot!" Logan showed him the bullet hole, even as he reached for the drop cloth to use as a make shift bandage. He couldn't help but grimace at the blood already on the cloth and immediately thought of Eames.

Ross stepped out of the van. "Get the bus out here now."

"I have – have to find Eames," Goren tried to get past Ross but his legs weren't cooperating.

Logan pulled him back. "Hey Goren, come on man – take it easy. We'll get her."

Ross leaned in to settle his detective. "Sit back, Goren. Did you see where they went?"

"Eames – he's going to kill her," Bobby mumbled, "Out there," he pointed straight behind Ross. "He took her that way."

"We'll find her," Ross assured him. "Logan, you're with me." He waived two officers over. "Stay with him," he ordered. "Keep him here until the paramedics get here. Everyone else – fan out. Find Eames – whatever it takes."

Chapter 14

Detective Alex Eames was in a very dark place. It was a place where she could not see, could not speak and could not move. She could, however, hear and she could feel. What she heard was sounds – sounds of rage and anger and what she felt was pain, non-specific but unrelenting pain.

She tried to remember how she had gotten to this dark place that had no name; but nothing made sense to her; no one that she knew was here. Not Bobby, not her family, no one.

She knew that someone was yelling at her – she didn't know who and she didn't know why. She wanted to open her eyes and tell them to stop, but she couldn't move at all. She fought to wake up, and when she couldn't, then fear joined the confusion.

Seemingly from nowhere, fresh pain assaulted her and she was helpless to fight it but it was constant and merciless. Was it because she was trying to come out of the dark?

Somehow she decided that leaving the dark place would result in more pain. So instead of fighting, she retreated back down to this mysterious place and the voices receded, the pain became distant but tolerable and the fear lessened. She decided to stay in the dark, alone.

Chapter 15

Ross and Logan found the dilapidated shack a quarter of a mile further into the woods. With a controlled sense of urgency all of the officers moved in to surround the rotted wooden structure avoiding any position that might allow them to be seen.

Logan glanced over at his Captain and nodded when Ross indicated that Logan would approach. He stepped forward with his gun drawn and noting that there were no windows, he went to the door trying to determine Sebastian's position inside.

A violent rush of fear slammed into his chest when he heard a male voice suddenly begin yelling.

"Wake up, you bitch! Wake up – you're going to spoil everything!" Then there was the unmistakable sound of an open-handed slap.

Logan recoiled and jerked his eyes to Ross. Using hand motions only, he indicated that he was going in. Reluctantly, Ross acquiesced and signaled the others to hold their position.

Logan took a careful step back to plant his left foot enabling him to pop the door open with his right. Unexpectedly there was no resistance and his momentum caused him to stumble forward. Catching himself before he fell he looked up to find that Sebastian was only six feet in front of him holding a pair of wickedly sharp scissors at Eames' neck in one hand and a gun in the other.

A new blast of icy cold terror gripped him hard enough to take his breath away at the sight of his fellow detective.

She was unconscious; her head lolled on her shoulders like a wilted flower. Her wrists and ankles were bound with rope and she was held upright on a stack of wooden crates by a rusty metal chain cinched firmly at her waist and across her shoulders. He was almost relieved that he couldn't see her face right now.

What he did see was the heavy-duty scissors move closer to only a fraction of an inch away from the back of her exposed neck.

"Wait! Stop!" He yelled, raising his hands and aiming the gun away.

Sebastian just glared at him. Ross signaled for everyone to stay back as he positioned himself at the side of the door out of sight. He kept his gun ready but waited to see what Logan could accomplish.

"Come on, man," Logan stayed where he was. "Don't – don't hurt her."

Sebastian pushed the scissors closer to Eames' neck. "Don't tell me what to do," his voice low and menacing.

Logan stilled. "Okay."

"Who are you?" Sebastian asked, letting the tips of the blades touch the skin.

"My name is Detective Logan." He tried to keep his voice calm and controlled but the sight of the blades over Eames completely unnerved him.

"Put the gun down, Detective Logan or I'll kill her."

Logan paused, weighing his options. The Captain had stayed back, there didn't seem to be another exit and he had to think of Eames. He decided to put the gun down. "Okay – now come on – you – you don't want to hurt her."

"You don't know what I want!" Sebastian screamed.

Logan recoiled back. Wrong thing to say, he realized instantly. Outside, Ross jumped, prepared to storm the place but something held him back and he stayed put.

"Okay – okay," Logan tried to placate the madman before him. "You're right. I don't know what you want." He had his eyes glued to the scissors that were now pressing into the skin and he was alarmed to see that blood had begun to trickle down Eames' neck. "Please - " He used his right hand to indicate Sebastian's hand holding the scissors and raised his eyebrows; letting his facial expression ask Sebastian to pull back.

Sebastian looked at his hand and then at Logan. His rage dissipated and he put pocketed the gun and lifted the scissors enough to take the pressure off of Eames' skin to Logan's profound relief.

Logan sighed. "Thank you."

Outside Ross sagged against the wall. "Good job, Logan" he muttered.

"Where's Detective Goren?" Sebastian asked with a sneer. "I want to talk to Detective Goren."

Logan thought quickly. "You – you shot Detective Goren – he can't talk to you."

"No!" Sebastian yelled. "No! I need to talk to him. I wanted Gage. I've waited and waited to talk to Gage."

Logan was getting seasick at the up and down mood swings of this guy. "Well, Gage is dead."

"I know that!" Sebastian shrieked. "Gage wrote that Goren knew everything – I was going to talk to Goren and Goren was going to listen to me!"

Logan felt frozen in the face of Sebastian's rage and madness. Time suddenly stopped. He couldn't breathe as an equally insane idea presented itself. He didn't know what his Captain would think about it, but Logan made a split-second decision and went with his gut.

"Talk to me," he said quickly before he had time to change his mind. "You can talk to me."

Sebastian narrowed his gaze, eyeing Logan warily.

Logan kept his voice steady with the deceptive calm of total desperation. "Look – I work with Detective Goren. I know what he knows."

Liar, his brain whispered. Only Gage and Goren would have had a clue how to deal with this particular maniac.

Logan pushed past his self-doubt knowing that Eames' life was at stake. "Talk to me," he repeated. "What – what did you want to say?"

Sebastian wasn't convinced. "I don't know you." He paused. "But I know Detective Eames here." He took the scissors and ran them across Eames' head and shoulders like a caress then dipped them down the front of her blouse; never taking his eyes off of Logan's pained expression at the obscene gesture.

"Gage thought he knew me," Sebastian said, his tone turning almost conversational. "I've waited for years to talk to him – to show him-" He took Eames' hair in his free hand, entangling his fingers for a more secure grip. With a sneer he viciously jerked back exposing Eames' battered face. "To show him how I work."

Logan swallowed hard. He had to buy time – try to lure Sebastian away from Eames long enough to save her. But as he stared at Alex Eames' beaten and bloodied face he wondered if he could maintain his own control and sanity long enough.

"Well, Detective?" Sebastian asked, moving the sheers so that they were directly over Eames' eyes. "Shall we talk?"


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 16

Logan almost choked as fingers of panic squeezed at his throat, constricting it to the point where he could barely force the words out of his mouth. Unable to tear his eyes away from the scissors, he raised his hands, palms out in supplication. He swallowed hard and found the strength to finally speak. "O – Okay. I'll listen – but, please, please put the scissors down.

Sebastian released his hold on Eames' hair, letting her head fall forward, obscuring Logan's view of the horrific beating that she'd endured.

He reached down to pick up a small jar that Logan hadn't noticed before.

"What's that?"

"This?" Sebastian held it out for Logan to take; making sure that the blades lay flush against Eames' throat to maintain his threat. His eyes gleamed as if the jar held something wondrous and magical and for a moment he looked like a kid with a rare and special find. "Take it, Detective."

Logan hesitated.

"Take it," Sebastian repeated making each word clipped and deliberate as he pressed the blades deeper.

Not wanting to anger Sebastian, Logan reluctantly plucked the jar from Sebastian's hand, taking care to only touch the jar.

"Now, open it up," Sebastian murmured suggestively, relaxing his hand enough to ease the pressure of the sheers.

At the tone, Logan jerked his gaze to Sebastian's face, noting that his expression had turned to one of lust.

"Go ahead, Detective," Sebastian prodded, his eyes gleaming with anticipation. "Open it."

Logan took a breath and slowly unscrewed the lid. Christ, he thought, this creep was starting to sound like a bad Hannibal Lector wannabe.

"Now – smell it," Sebastian purred, "smell it – let it fill you."

Logan wrinkled his nose, nauseated by the sickly sweet smell and the realization that the maniac before him was actually getting turned on by it.

"So – uh – what? Did your mom use this stuff – this – uh –" he glanced down at the label, "this 'Pierre Lauritz?'" Logan was unsuccessful in hiding his revulsion and hoped it didn't trigger another rage.

Sebastian just cackled. "Oh, no, my dear Detective Logan." He lowered his voice to a lewd whisper. "It was my sister."

Logan swallowed and forced himself not to let his mind wander down the dark path of what Sebastian might have done to his sister. Was she his first victim? His own sister?

"Let me show you, Detective," Sebastian's dark eyes glittered feverishly. "Give it back to me and let me show you."

Instinctively Logan stepped back, clutching the jar tightly. God no, he thought, no – not on Eames. Don't you dare put this on her. He knew of Goren's sense of smell and couldn't imagine what he would do if he smelled even a hint of that on his partner.

"Tsk – tsk," Sebastian said mockingly. "Give it back."

Logan tried to stall. "Where – uh – where do you put it?"

"Oh, Detective, I thought you'd never ask," Sebastian answered, his voice dripping with undisguised lust.

Logan felt himself starting to lose it. The sleaze factor of this sadistic creep had just hit the redline and Logan's blood was boiling.

Sebastian used the scissors to slice down the back of Eames' blouse, exposing her upper shoulders. "Now give me the jar, Detective," Sebastian taunted him, replacing the blades at her neck.

Reluctantly Logan did, praying that he was going to get a chance to end this soon.

Sebastian pulled the open jar to his nose, obviously savoring the perfume. "Oh," he moaned, "so good, and then – when you put on the woman, on her most private places, oh –" He groaned with twisted desire.

Logan felt almost frozen in horror as he witnessed Sebastian become almost orgasmic, holding the jar to his nose, sniffing it like a junky sniffed cocaine and for just a moment his eyes slipped shut in sheer ecstasy.

Outside the door, Ross saw his chance. With no margin for error he took aim and fired directly at Sebastian.

Chapter 17

For Detective Mike Logan, the seconds that followed were a blur. Captain Ross' bullet found its mark in Sebastian's chest, forcing the murderer backwards and sending the jar and scissors skittering across the floor. Logan quickly turned away to avoid the spray of blood and when he looked again, Ross and two other officers had rushed in to secure Sebastian.

"He's dead, sir."

"Nice shootin', Cap," Logan told him, pride evident in his voice. He slid to his knees next to Eames to check for a pulse.

Ross smirked. "I was actually aiming a little lower," he deadpanned.

Logan pursed his lips and nodded, fighting the grin that didn't seem appropriate with Eames still unconscious.

"Help me get her free," Ross ordered as his fingers fumbled with the chain and knotted ropes. "And radio back for the paramedics. Let Detective Goren know that we've got his partner."

"We're already here."

Logan and Ross looked up to see the two paramedics, Owens and McKenzie, rolling in the gurney that was loaded with their tackle boxes full of equipment and meds. To Logan and Ross' surprise, Goren staggered in with them, using the stretcher for support. Both of his wrists were heavily bandaged with an IV infusing into his right forearm and the IV bag hanging from the pole on the gurney. His left hand was clutched across his waist, holding his side where he'd been shot.

"Goren – what the hell do you think you're doing?" Ross snapped at him.

Goren ignored the question, his eyes locked on his partner now being tended to by the paramedics. "How - how is she? We heard a gunshot."

"That was for Sebastian," Logan supplied, "Courtesy of our Captain here."

"Sit down before you pass out," Ross ordered brusquely, noting that Goren was pale and shaking in the cold air with his shirt hanging open. A large bulky dressing was taped over his right side, above his belt and blood was already beginning to seep through.

Goren sank down on a nearby crate, his heart pounding in his chest, his skin cold and clammy. "Is she – has she woken up at all?" He managed to ask.

Ross and Logan looked at each other and silently asked who would deliver the bad news. Logan tipped his head and Ross took the hint and shook his head. "No, Detective. She's been out since we got here."

Goren's shoulder's slumped.

Logan stepped over and put a supporting hand on his shoulder. "Come on, Goren – let's start back for the bus."

Goren, of course, resisted, shrugging Logan's hand away. "No – I don't want to leave her."

Ross sighed. "Logan's right, Detective. We need to get going. There's only one stretcher and I think Eames needs it more than you. They're going to be ready to roll and you're not walking fast enough to keep up, so get up and we can be there when they get there."

Logan reached under Goren's left arm and assisted him up. "Yeah – come on, man – 'cause I definitely won't be carrying you back, so move it."

Goren relented. He didn't want to be the one to hold up getting Eames to the hospital. He let himself be helped up and with one last glance back at his partner stumbled out towards the bus.

Logan gave a small shake of his head. The look on Goren's face was something he'd never forget. It looked like they'd just ripped his heart out and left it lying on the floor back there.

Chapter 18

Goren allowed himself to be led back through the woods, each step sending bolts of pain throughout his body. He felt nearly overwhelmed by his inability to help his partner. It had been devastating to see her beaten and battered body on the dirt floor and he was absolutely sick with worry that she had yet to wake up.

"When – how did he get her?" he finally asked, gritting his teeth against the pain hammering at his body.

Ross adjusted his hold on the IV bag to keep it high enough to flow. "He rammed her car at the Children's hospital before he went to Gage's hotel," he told him. "Put her in that van you were in and drove off."

Goren hissed at the flare of anger Ross's words caused. "Just like that? He – he just left with her?"

"Take it easy, Goren," Logan admonished him when they stumbled on a leaf-covered rock. "Witnesses just assumed that he was going to the emergency room."

Goren huffed and shook his head. A sudden thought hit him followed by a huge wave of guilt. "Logan – God – I'm sorry I didn't ask – Wheeler – how -?"

Logan swallowed. "You saved her life – she's in surgery now."

"And she saved yours," Ross added. "There's no need for you to apologize."

Goren jerked his head up at Ross' words. "She – saved – how - ?" and then in a flash he knew. "My pocket," he murmured eyes wide. "She – what did she put -?"

"Her cell phone," Logan answered, reaching in to pluck it from Goren's jacket. "We traced her phone."

At last they arrived back at the van and ambulance and while Logan assisted Goren into the bus, Ross stepped aside to get updates and have Sebastian's body picked up.

Goren was breathing hard as he sank down on the bench to wait for Eames.

Logan sat next to Goren, leaning forward slightly with his hands clasped and his arms on his legs. "So – uh – did this guy give you any information? Where he's been all this time?"

Goren glanced over at him, cocking his head to get a better angle. "Sebastian, if it really was – was him – didn't tell me anything." He squinted as he studied Logan. "Wheeler – it's - it's bad. You – you're really worried about her."

Logan wouldn't look at him and rubbed a hand over his eyes. "Yeah," he answered even though it was obvious Goren wasn't asking him. "Yeah – I'm worried. Wheeler's a good kid." He broke off at the sound of a cardiac monitor and rustling leaves. "Here they come." He stood up to get out of the way. "Look, Goren, yeah, I'm worried as hell about Wheeler and Eames. And you, for that matter."

Goren nodded. "I – I'm worried about them, too."

"I know. I also know that I don't want a new partner. Do you?" He stepped down without waiting for an answer he didn't need. "Hang in there, man. We'll see you at the hospital."

Goren watched as his partner was loaded in next to him. He reached out one trembling hand to grasp her right hand and clutch it tightly. "No, I don't want a new partner," he whispered brokenly, "ever."


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 19

Alex Eames had never felt so alone; so lost and confused. The darkness had rendered her completely helpless, submerged in an ocean of pain, with no idea how she had gotten here or even when.

The only thing that she knew for certain was that she had been swallowed by a black void to escape the excruciating pain and the anger of an unknown assailant and then she'd been unable to find her way out.

The gloom muffled the aches and the anger; draining them away and she had floated off into nothingness, ensnared by the murky shadows and its powerful hold over her.

Then out of the darkness was a tiny point of light. Alex was torn. She wanted so badly to go to the light, but there had been so much pain there. Someone had hurt her – terribly. What if she came out of the shadows and he was there? God help her, but she didn't think that she could bear it again.

Fear drove her back down until at last she felt strong enough to face the light again and fight against the pull of the darkness that was pulling at her.

With a strength she didn't know she possessed, she struggled to come up, to the light; trying desperately to ignore the pain and the dread and simply focus on the light.

Awareness returned in bits and pieces but the only thing she could move was her eyes. When she opened them, the light became blinding; everything was fuzzy and out of focus. Colors swirled around her field of vision like a psychedelic light show.

The sound of a choked gasp startled her and she inhaled sharply, feeling her blood run cold and her breath catching in her throat. Suddenly terrified she pinched her eyes tightly closed, her chest heaving with each ragged breath as she fought the disorientation of consciousness.

Chapter 20

"Alex – Alex, please, it's okay – it's okay – calm down," Bobby crooned frantically, overwhelmed that she awoke but alarmed at her panicked response. "It's over, Alex – it's okay – I'm here – it's okay."

Unsure of what to expect, Bobby rose to his feet, peering anxiously down at her face and willing her to come out of it. When, after several minutes, she didn't, he moved in closer, hovering over her breathlessly and bracing himself by using the side rail for support.

"Alex – you're safe now – can – can you open your eyes for me?" He prodded her with his voice, reluctant to touch her until he knew that she was more aware. Until he knew that he wouldn't scare her again.

Her eyes remained closed to his dismay and after a whisper soft moan, her breathing evened out; letting him know that she had slipped away again.

It was a crushing blow to him and he took it hard, feeling his knees grow weak and unable to support his weight. He found himself sitting on the bed at her hip; staring helplessly down at his partner, wishing he knew what in the hell he had to do to wake her up. He wondered if he was going to fail her again. She hadn't needed him to save her from Sebastian the first time.

"Face it, Goren," he told himself contemptuously, "She did it without you. She doesn't need you." He stared down at her face, still swollen and discolored and felt like he had indeed failed her. Again.

"God – Alex – please," he heard his voice heavy with emotion and it took every ounce of strength not to break down completely. He had just gotten her back and he couldn't bear the thought of losing her, God forbid, permanently. "Wherever you are – come back – please – come back. Don't let him win." He choked back a sob. "Alex – please – open your eyes. Please. I – I can't go to where you are. I would if only I could – I would, but I can't." The words felt like a knife wound to his battered psyche. "I can't."

Chapter 21

Like daylight burning away the early dawn's fog, awareness came back to her again – slowly. Through the haze, she heard a voice, begging and pleading. Desperately, she tried to comprehend her situation but failed. She vaguely remembered a brief period of lucidity but she had been too out of it and the pain she had felt had been too much and it had driven her back down away from the light.

At least the darkness was receding, taking away the anger and her own terror and for that she was grateful.

Now, she had to go into the light. Go to the voice she heard calling to her. Willing herself to move, she still felt pain but it was much less than before and more than that – she didn't want to be alone any longer.

Chapter 22

"Hey, how's the peg leg?"

Meagan Wheeler jerked her head over to see her partner casually leaning against the door, his hands in his pockets and grinning like a Cheshire cat. She quirked her lips to hide her own grin and absently pushed back her sweaty bangs from her forehead.

"Old school. Of course." She took a breath and massaged her aching left leg. "Well, I have to say, if you're going for the Fred Astaire pose, you're gonna have to drop about 50 pounds."

"You calling me old – and – fat, Wheeler?" Logan managed to look hurt and indignant.

"Hey – if the shoe fits. . ." Wheeler adjusted her grip on the parallel bars and resumed her painstakingly slow trek across the physical therapy gym. Her therapist watched the exchange and wisely decided to take a coffee break.

Logan peeled himself off of the wall and strolled over to a spot eight feet in front of her. "Working hard or hardly working?" He asked with a smirk.

Wheeler simply glared at him.

Logan crossed his arms over his chest and didn't back down from his challenge.

"Fine," she muttered then set her jaw, took another swipe at her bangs and the aggravating perspiration beading her brow and forged ahead.

"You know –"

"Shut up, Logan," Wheeler snapped at him, gritting her teeth and managed the last two feet without any further comments from her partner.

When they were face to face, he pulled out a bottled water and presented it to her with a flourish. "You win."

Wheeler relented. "Does that mean no more stupid remarks?" She reached for the water, breathless despite her show of toughness.

Logan caught the glint of humor in her eye. "Absolutely," he responded. "I'm all done." He watched her gulp at the water. "Come on, Wheeler. Take a break." Without waiting for an answer, he assisted her to a chair and watched with concern as she wearily sank down into it.

"So, how's the leg? Really." Logan eyed her worriedly.

She sighed and slumped further in the chair. "If you'd been here the past four days, you'd know," she said with a huff. "I haven't seen you since I woke up from surgery and you told me to hurry up and get out of here after I gave my statement."

Logan pulled up a chair and sat down next to her, dejected. "Yeah – I'm really sorry about that. These past four days have been hell."

"No kidding," Wheeler retorted. "Look, I need you to tell me what all went down. The Captain just pops in and tells me to hang in there and that he has to go. I want to know details."

"You first," Logan said. "I need a minute before I relive all that shit."

She raised her eyebrows in surprise. "That bad, huh?" 

"Yeah – that bad." He sat hunched over, absently rubbing his hands together and watched her finish off the water.

"The doc said my blood count is almost back to normal and there's no sign of infection. Just a nick in the bone and some muscle damage. They repaired the blood vessel that was torn. . ." she trailed off.

"I'll be fine," she finished after a beat.

Logan nodded, unable to mask his relief. "Jesus, we thought you were gonna bleed out," he muttered, wiping a hand over his eyes, the toll of the past few days obvious.

"I guess I would have if it hadn't been for Goren. I couldn't believe that lunatic actually let him put a tourniquet on me."

"Thank God he did." Logan said reverently.

"Gee Logan, I'm starting to think you'd miss me," Wheeler said with a laugh.

"Yeah – well – training new partners can be a real pain in the ass and you were just reaching the tolerable stage." Logan tried for gruff but failed miserably.

Wheeler just grinned.

The therapist returned with a wheelchair and to Logan's amazement his partner got in without an argument. "We'll be back down this afternoon," he told her.

Wheeler nodded and then looked up at Logan. "Is it okay if my partner takes me back?"

"Yeah – sure. Just leave the chair at the nurses' station and I'll have a volunteer pick it up," the therapist told her. Another patient had arrived and he quickly excused himself to take care of her.

Wheeler looked over at her partner. "Come on," she said. "Let's get going."

"Uh – yeah – okay." Logan felt a little awkward pushing a wheelchair, towering over it and having to bend slightly to reach the handles. As he walked, he recounted how Sebastian had gotten Eames and just how badly she was injured. "He totally destroyed her car – it's a miracle she survived the crash and then the surgery afterwards for the skull fracture and head bleed. She also ended up with four fractured ribs, and a broken cheek."

"And she's been in a coma since?" Wheeler said it, still in shock.

"Yeah. Goren's lucky to still have a liver – he needed surgery and they practically had to cuff him to the bed afterwards. He'd probably be doing better except that he's barely left her side since. She almost came around a little while ago but slipped back."

"I'd like to go see them."

"Are you sure you're up to it?" Logan asked, reaching over her to push the button to summon the elevator.

Wheeler glanced up at him, her determination evident. "I need to see them. Please take me, or I'll go by myself."

"Hey – whoa – I'm going, I'm going – don't –"

"Don't what?" She glared at him.

Logan pushed her into the elevator then stepped around in front of her, crouching down to her level. "I'm not trying to be condescending. Okay, partner?"

Wheeler backed off. "I'm sorry. I'm just going a little crazy in here and I was feeling out of the loop."

Logan nodded. "Look – all of us at 1PP – we've been really worried. Between the three of you, the blood bank was about cleaned out and we even had a blood drive."

"Did you give?" Wheeler asked slyly.

"Yeah – I gave." He told her with a grimace. "First time in about twenty years. Did I tell you that I hate needles?"

She took a playful swipe at him. "I'd be worried about you if you didn't," she retorted.

"Ha ha."

They arrived at the ICU and Wheeler held up a hand. Logan stopped.

"Logan, I know I'm still the new kid on the block. . ."

"Meagan – you're one of us. Hell, you're a hero. Goren said you were pretty slick getting your phone past Sebastian. We'd have never found them in time otherwise. You took a huge risk and we all owe you – big time."

Wheeler smiled. "Thanks."

"Okay, let's do this." Logan pushed through the ICU doors.

Chapter 23

Bobby jumped slightly when he felt a hand on his shoulder then turned to see Logan and Wheeler behind him.

"How is she?" Wheeler whispered, unable to completely mask her dismay at Eames' condition.

"She – she just won't wake up," Bobby said, his voice breaking. "How are you? How's the leg?"

"Getting better. Thanks to you."

Goren ducked his head. "Thanks to you, Logan and Ross found us." He dragged his eyes back to Eames. "I'm sorry that I haven't checked in on you. I – "

It's okay, Goren. Really. I understand." Wheeler gave his arm what she hoped was a reassuring squeeze.

"I know that the answer is probably no, but are you sure that we can't get you anything?" Logan asked quietly.

Bobby shook his head. "I don't mean to sound ungrateful – but – but I really don't need anything right now. They bring me a food tray that I have to eat if I want to stay here and I just came back from a shower and dressing change. I – I'm good." He sighed. "Well – I would be if she'd come around."

Logan shifted from one foot to the other as he stared helplessly at all the medical equipment surrounding Eames. He was relieved that she was off of the ventilator since last night, but she had several IV bags hanging and more wires and tubes than he could count.

"I never did hear what Sebastian said to you before he was shot," Goren said, startling Logan out of his reverie.

"Awww, no. . ." Logan cringed. "The guy was a freak."

Goren stared. "I saw a jar – I thought that I could smell – was it Pierre Lauritz?"

"He never put any on her," Logan hastened to assure him, "He told me something about his sister using it. The guy was really getting off on it."

"His sister!" Wheeler was aghast.

"He wanted to talk to Gage. I reminded him that Gage was dead and the guy flipped out and then he wanted you." Logan looked at Goren. "He said that he wanted to discuss his work and I think he planned on using Eames as a model."

Goren closed his eyes, fighting the mental images that Logan's words evoked.

Logan had his fists clenched as he remembered facing Sebastian. "He had these sheers that he kept threatening to use on her – put the edges right along her neck and over her –" Abruptly he broke off. "Jesus – that guy was messed up."

He looked down at his partner, staring up at him sympathetically. "Come on Wheeler, let's get you back." He moved in to get a hold of the wheelchair. "We'll be back. Call if you need anything."

"Take care," Wheeler said.

Goren nodded and focused his attention back on his partner. After his fellow detectives had exited, he felt drained – emotionally and physically. He laid his head down on the bed and fell almost instantly asleep.


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 24

She remembered the too-bright lights and this time she opened her eyes very slowly. This time however, the lighting was already dim but she was able discern her surroundings and to see that she was in a hospital room, alone.

The enormity of not knowing what had landed her in a hospital bed hit her hard and the weight of her confusion and disorientation pressed down on her making it hard to breathe.

With a monumental effort, she forced herself to slow down and tried to sort things out. She ignored the medical equipment when she saw the IV bags and monitors, knowing that they were standard in the hospital setting, but the tubes and wires did make it hard to move her arms. That and she realized that she didn't have the strength to even raise her head. Relieved that she wasn't paralyzed at least, she concentrated on what she did feel which was pain when she breathed and a dull throbbing headache.

"Okay, Alex," she whispered to herself, surprised at how raspy her voice was, "what the hell happened?" She tried to think what could possibly have resulted in her being hurt and hospitalized but nothing came to mind making her feel frustrated and helpless.

Her room had a large picture window facing what she assumed was a nurses' station and she wished that someone would notice that she was awake and would come in to tell her what was going on. Where was Bobby?

Again she tried to move, but the pain in her chest and her overall weakness prevented her and she was utterly exhausted by her meager efforts. She felt her eyes fill with tears even as she succumbed to the unrelenting pull of sleep.

Chapter 25

Bobby knew that he was pushing his luck by going to Alex's room after midnight, but tonight he was too fidgety to sleep. He kept thinking about what Logan had told him about his confrontation with Sebastian. That Sebastian had the sheers and the body lotion and Alex had been deadly close to being tortured and killed right in front of their eyes. He had no doubt that Sebastian would have brought him to that shack if Logan and Ross hadn't shown up when they did.

Instead of sitting in the chair that the nurses made sure was always nearby, he stood over her, both arms propped on the side rail, staring hopefully at her face, not really expecting anything different. Which was why he almost missed it. With a sharp intake of breath, he reached out one trembling hand and tenderly brushed his finger under her right eye.

Not a trick of the light, he realized; tears.

Relief and joy surged simultaneously trough his veins, turning his muscles to rubber and he sank down on her bed.

"Alex – Alex – come on. Wake up for me – come one – please open your eyes, Alex," he implored her softly.

Subtle movement at his hip startled him and he jerked his gaze down in time to see the fingers of her right hand twitch, just a bit.

"Alex?" He gently took her hand in his, wondering if it was just his imagination or was her skin warmer to touch.

"What – what happened to you?"

Bobby felt his heart lurch in his chest at the most welcome sound of his partner's voice. The realization of just how much he'd missed hearing that voice seemed to rob him of his own. He simply gaped at her as the lump in his throat grew and he just felt frozen; each breath was a struggle.

"B-bobby?"

The naked fear in her voice galvanized him and he shook his head, trying to reassure her. "I – I'm okay," he finally managed to get out.

She just stared up at him. His face seemed thinner, etched by lines of worry and his eyes were sunken and haunted. She noticed the bandages on his wrists. Her own eyes filled with tears and she was suddenly terrified of what she was going to hear because as awful as she felt and as exhausted as he looked – it promised to be bad.

"Uh – let me go get one of the nurses – for you – uh – they wanted to know when you woke up."

Alex was finding it harder and harder to stay calm. "Bobby – wait –" she tried to stop him from going. "Please – wait."

After a beat, he turned back and bent over her, "Ssh," he murmured softly, smoothing her damp hair back from her face. He was glad she didn't have a mirror to see the bruises and swelling that had yet to fade away. "It'll be all right. I'm not going anywhere, I'm just-"

"No," she broke in, "No – something's really wrong – I – I want to talk to you – I – I want to hear it from you."

"Okay – okay," he relented and reluctantly sat back down next to her. "Let's take this easy, okay?"

Alex nodded, uneasy. "I feel so weak."

"I know you do," he said.

"Why?"

"Let's take this one step at a time. I want you to stay calm."

Alex huffed with a grimace. "I – I'll try – but - but how bad is it?" Her voice became a hushed whisper. "Oh – God – did – did somebody die?"

Bobby shook his head. "Alex – don't do this. Your family is all right. Logan, Wheeler and Ross are okay, too. I've got some minor stuff -" he held up his wrists, but left out his gunshot. "But I'm healing. . ." He let his voice trail off when he noticed Alex's obvious confusion. "What is it?"

"What did you – who – Logan and who? Who – who's Ross?"

Time slowed as Bobby felt the bottom drop out of his world and he simply stared at his partner in horror.

Alex knew it: it was bad. Breathing suddenly became nearly impossible; each breath was an agonizing hitching gasp amplified by the pain in her chest and her growing panic. "Oh God – what is it?"

"Alex – what – what's the last day you remember?"

Realizing what he was asking and the possible ramifications left her struggling and Bobby could only watch helplessly, but he was terribly afraid that he already knew the answer.

"Come on, Alex," he tried to comfort her, "it'll be okay – just - just tell me what the last thing you remember."

"Oh God," she whispered, "we left Deakin's retirement dinner – we – did we wreck? Is that what happened?"

Bobby felt his shoulders slump. She was right. It was bad. Her memory of the past eight months was gone.

Bobby took a deep breath. He knew he had to try and calm her down before her agitated state caused her any harm. Her body and mind had been through a tremendous ordeal and any added stress was too risky. The monitors clearly displayed her rapid heart rate and he could see her flushed face and hear her ragged breathing.

"Alex – please – we – we didn't wreck." Bobby was floundering: he didn't know where to start. He was just as overwhelmed as his partner even though he logically expected some memory loss with her head injury and prolonged unconscious state.

Alex kept a firm grip on Bobby's hand, which allowed her to focus on at least one positive thing: she did remember her partner. Because although she was able to push past her physical discomfort, she was struggling to regain her mental equilibrium. The loss of control she felt was magnified by the fact that she was usually the practical one in their partnership. She was terrified to ask just how big the memory gap was.

Bobby realized that he couldn't leave Alex just yet, so he compromised by calling the nurses station from the room and letting them know that their patient was now awake. "Alex, I promise – all your questions will be answered, but you have – you need to let them examine you. I'm staying right here, okay?"

She stared up at him, trying to draw strength from his solid presence. "Just tell me this – more than a year?"

"No," he answered her with a sad smile, "no – not more than a year."

"And my family is okay?"

"Yeah." He sighed. "I'll let them know you're up."

"Wait," She squeezed his hand. "I'm not ready for them right now, okay? They're – they can be a little over protective of me. I – I don't want to deal with that just yet."

Bobby nodded. "I'll explain it to them, okay?"

"Yeah," Alex whispered, "just let them know."

Bobby looked up when the doctor and nurse arrived in the room. He tried to stay out of the way as his partner was examined and questioned, but refused to leave her side. He knew that she was feeling vulnerable and since he knew her so well – realized that Alex Eames did not do "vulnerable" well. She was the epitome of independence and control and dependability and he felt the burden of her fractured mental state acutely. It would be up to him to help her through this while still allowing her as much independence as possible.

Despite her best efforts, Alex was only able to stay awake for another fifteen minutes but everyone was relieved that there were no other obvious deficits other than the memory loss. Bobby was reassured that she was just sleeping now and no longer in a coma. Now he had to break the news to their Captain and her family.


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 26

Captain Danny Ross was not going to be a desk jockey. He was going to be out there with his detectives as much as possible. He also wanted to make sure that they knew he wasn't a "9-5'er" as well. Now, with three of his top team members currently in the hospital, he knew morale was low so he had decided to get caught up on paper work and let the night crew see him, meet with him and just show them his support, that and make sure everything was getting done.

He was on his way to the coffee machine when his cell phone rang. When he saw that it was Robert Goren, he couldn't help but think the worst. Two am calls were almost never good.

Quickly, he flipped the phone open. "Ross. Det. Goren, is everything all right?"

"Captain, I – I hope I didn't wake you."

"No, no," Ross assured him. "I'm at 1PP." He almost smiled imagining Goren's surprise.

Goren recovered quickly though. "Eames regained consciousness about an hour ago."

Ross let out the breath he didn't realize he'd been holding. "Thank God. Is she all right?"

"Yes and no, sir," came the cryptic reply.

Ross grit his teeth. "Report, Detective."

"She has no memory of the past eight months." Goren dropped his bombshell then wisely kept silent, letting his Captain absorb the news and process the ramifications.

Ross stood frozen, as his mind raced through the time line. So Eames would know Logan, Goren, her family but not Wheeler, himself, the cases –"Her previous capture by Jo?"

"No, sir."

"The news about your mother?"

"I don't see how."

"Is it permanent? Don't some amnesia victims get their memory back?" Ross tried not to sound too hopeful.

Goren sighed. "Some do. Up to a point. It is – conceivable – that she could start remembering but not – probably not all the way to the accident."

"Everything else is all right?"

"Yes, sir. Although she'll need a while to get her strength back and the other injuries will heal. It'll just take some time."

"Tell her not to worry – she can have all the time she needs. I'll come in and – uh – reintroduce myself to her."

"We – uh – she'll need to go slow. She's a bit overwhelmed right now."

"Understandable. Get some sleep, Detective. I'll let Logan and Wheeler know later today."

"Yes, sir."

Ross hung up and rubbed his eyes. "What a mess," he thought tiredly.

Chapter 27

Although he didn't think it was possible, Bobby did manage to get some sleep. He figured it was due to his relief that Eames was out of the coma. That and the doctor had told him that he would be officially discharged today, but he was not cleared for active duty for another two weeks.

Wheeler would also be going home and would be facing several weeks of rehab to get her leg back in shape as well.

As for Eames, he was extremely grateful that she'd only lost eight months worth of her memory, but they had been eight very emotional months. He tried to figure out what would be the best way to get her through this time of adjustment without either one of them pushing her to remember.

He was just finishing getting dressed when Logan and Wheeler arrived.

"Hey Goren – I hear you're getting the boot today," Logan said with a grin.

Wheeler just rolled her eyes. "The Captain called and told us about Eames."

Goren tried to reassure her. "It doesn't have to be a permanent condition." 

Logan turned serious. "What do you think, Goren? Should I see her? I mean, I don't want to make things worse."

Goren pulled at his chin. "I'm sure she'd – but she's –" He sighed. "I don't know yet."

Logan nodded. "I'll tell you what – let's be safe. You let me know – have her give the word, okay?"

He and Goren shook hands. "Take care of yourself, Wheeler. I'm sure Logan here is going to get burned out doing all our work for awhile."

"Oh, I don't know, I think I'll stretch this out – I'm way overdue for a vacation." Wheeler said with an impish smile.

Logan was in her face. "Try it, Wheeler, and I'll be at every one of your rehab sessions, making your life a personal hell, you got it?" he growled.

Wheeler laughed.

Bobby managed a weak grin at their antics – he knew his fellow detectives were trying to lighten things up a bit, and while he appreciated the effort, he just wanted to get back to Alex.

Wheeler noticed Goren's distraction and not too subtly elbowed her partner and suggested that they take their leave. They passed Goren's doctor on the way out and Logan turned back to give a thumb's up. Goren saw it and acknowledged it with a raised hand.

It was after 10 o'clock in the morning before he was finished with his own discharge instructions and paper signing and then he called Alex's family. They respected his assessment that Alex should decide when she would see them and to let her get through the initial shock. He promised to keep them updated and pass along their love and concern.

Chapter 28

Alex spent the next two days trying to convince the doctors, her family and even her partner that she was perfectly capable of taking care of herself – with or without the memory of the past eight months.

Of course, the fact that she could barely walk unassisted after spending almost five days unconscious and having brain surgery wasn't about to deter her in the least.

Bobby sat back, letting her fight her battle, torn between feeling pride in her fierce independent spirit but frustrated by her stubbornness and refusal to acknowledge her own limitations.

On the eve of her discharge, she was obviously hurting but she wasn't about to give it up and he decided that he'd heard enough. He stood up and held both hands up as he stepped between her and her attending doctor.

"Dr. Banister, Alex – please. Truce."

Dr. Banister, who reminded Bobby of an older version of the TV detective Columbo, ducked his head, admitting defeat. Alex just glared up at him and Bobby decided to focus on his partner.

"Alex – this isn't going to be permanent."

"I know that, Bobby, but I am not moving in with family. They'll completely smother me as you've seen the past couple of days. They did it to me every time I got hurt in Vice, no matter how minor it was. I'll be a basket case telling them to back off – they'll get offended – I'll be apologizing and not mean it –" She was getting progressively agitated, gesturing with her hands and raising her voice.

"So stay with me."

"What?!" That stopped her. She jerked her head over; winced at the pain the movement caused and stared at him in disbelief.

Bobby sat down next to her, ignoring the doctor who was now watching them with a bemused expression on his face.

Alex shook her head, regretted the move, and brought her hands up to massage her aching head. "Bobby – are you crazy?" She moaned.

Bobby wisely kept his concern hidden for now, concentrating on his first goal which was to make his partner see reason. "Alex, I wouldn't smother you. I would respect your privacy -"

A though struck her and she eyed him suspiciously. "Uh – did something happen that I don't remember that would make me more comfortable with this proposal?"

Bobby let out a snort at the unexpected question and was secretly pleased that feisty Alex was alive and well.

"Is that a yes?"

Bobby shook his head and waved her off with a laugh. He debated telling her about the night he spent at her apartment but he knew that there was history that led up to that. History that she didn't remember – yet.

"Not, really, Alex. It just – I think it makes sense. I've been – we've worked together for a long time. I – know – you can take care of yourself – when you're 100."

"But-"

"Wait – let me finish. Have I ever babied or coddled you before?"

"Not if you still wanted to walk normally," Alex muttered.

"Okay, then. Look – I want you back to work – maybe I'm being a little selfish."

Alex quirked her lips. "Don't play me, Goren."

Bobby threw up his hands, backing off, but watching her with growing concern. She was pale and sitting stiffly, holding herself carefully.

"Come on, Alex. It'll be for the best."

"All right," she relented wearily. "I can't fight you all. But my place, okay? I don't want an elevator or stairs to contend with."

"Deal," Bobby agreed with a grin. "Now, why don't you take your meds and get some rest?"

"Don't start already," Alex groused, but she let Dr. Banister call the nurse and willingly took her medication. Bobby stayed with her until she drifted off to sleep, then went to discuss Alex's home care instructions and break the news to their Captain and her family.


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 29

He wasn't at all surprised that Captain Ross was a harder sell on the idea of him and Eames staying together during her recuperation than her and her relatives.

"Captain – it isn't – it's not what you think."

"You don't know what I'm thinking," Ross snapped peevishly. "So, what? You're going to be her big brother?"

Bobby sighed as he rubbed a hand across his face. "Captain – she's got family. That's not what she needs. In fact, that's the last thing she needs right now is another big brother." He tried another tactic. "You remember how she was after Jo? Pushing herself – wanting to do everything for herself. She kept her family at bay and forced the therapist to release her as soon as possible."

"You mean she wasn't ready?" Ross asked, incredulous.

"No, no," Bobby hastened to explain. "She just kept pushing. This time her physical injuries are worse." He paused before going on, ashamed to admit what he knew he had to. "I didn't do a very good job as her partner. She was forced to deal with me and my issues about my mom and I think that's how she got over it when she did. I just gave her a new stressor."

"I'm sure she had a lot on her plate with me as her new commander, as well," Ross commented dryly.

"She's my partner, Captain. I just want to make sure she's taken care of and still maintain her own self. Her family would unintentionally smother her – they're not able to distance themselves enough."

"And you can." Ross stated. "Okay. Fine. We'll try you're way for now. But if I get any flack from the Chief of D's or there's any sign of –"

"I got it," Bobby broke in.

Ross abruptly changed the subject. "Have you started filling in the blanks of her memory?"

"Not yet. The doctor thinks we should wait until she gets home – see if being in a familiar place triggers anything."

"And if it doesn't?"

"We'll go slowly. I'll try a recent case file – go through it with her."

"Recent, huh? So you'll save her first abduction by Jo for last." Ross was thoughtful.

"Yeah," Bobby huffed. "I have to be careful about how I present things to her. I want to handle the business about my mom differently. If she – when she-" he quickly corrected himself, "when she regains her memory, I don't want any discrepancies."

Ross wisely kept silent on his feelings about how Goren had initially dealt with his mom's terminal illness. "How is your mom doing? I mean, you haven't been out there for over a week."

Bobby grimaced at the reminder. "I'm going out there tonight after I pack some things up. She's mostly out of it now, the doctor said. I called once but – she didn't know me."

"I am sorry, Goren."

"Yes sir. Thank you. They think she – they said it won't be long."

Ross cleared his throat. "I see. What about your partner?"

"Eames won't be able to go home until morning, so her sister said she'd go and get the house ready and stocked with food."

"Was she all right after I left?" Ross didn't want to admit that even knowing that Eames didn't remember him, it had really shaken him when she had stared blankly up at him. His visit had been brief and awkward, leaving them both frustrated and confused. He cut it short when he saw how hard she was trying to make herself recognize him and failing miserably. Mumbling well wishes, he had beaten a hasty retreat out then told Goren to keep him updated.

"She's fine, sir." Bobby didn't regret the little white lie. He knew better than anyone, that she didn't want anyone, including him to know just how "not fine" she was. "She just tires really easily and she's still having headaches but she's just ready to go home."

"I can imagine." Ross sighed. "I'll have your case files pulled and just let us know when she's ready."

Bobby thanked him and hung up. He sank down in the chair and looked around the empty waiting room he'd gone in to for privacy to make the call. Now he had to go and check on his mom and he was dreading what condition he would find her in.

Chapter 30

Alex stared at the television mounted on the wall across from the bed and held the remote control in her right hand, but she couldn't make herself turn it on. She was torn between wanting to watch and hating that she knew nothing that was going on. Suddenly the hospital didn't seem like such a bad place to be. She felt sheltered from the outside world that had passed her by and as much as she didn't want to admit it, she was relieved that Bobby would be staying with her when she left.

Her body still had a long way to go before she would feel comfortable again. When the headaches hit, they were blinding, making her nauseated and nearly incapacitated if she didn't take the medication and while she'd heard how painful rib fractures were, she wasn't expecting to be reminded with each and every breath and every movement. She hoped that sleeping in her own bed would help because the plastic mattress here in the hospital definitely wasn't. Never in her life had her sleep patterns been so disrupted – even when she had been pregnant – and now she was beyond exhausted and yet part of her couldn't help but fear that if she did go to sleep – she might not wake up again.

It was like being on a see saw – the ups and downs. Happy that she would be out of the hospital, but frustrated that she couldn't stay by herself. Happy to sleep in her own bed, but frightened that she might not wake up. Happy to be alive, but depressed by the extent and pain of her physical injuries and memory loss.

Angrily she brushed away the stinging hot tears that had slipped out and blazed a trail down her cheeks as the night nurse came in to check on her. It was Stephanie, her favorite, the one who was married to a detective she used to know in Vice. Stephanie took one look at her patient, turned and left the room, only to return minutes later carrying a small medicine cup and a glass of water.

Alex sighed.

"Don't even think about trying to talk your way out of this," Stephanie admonished her lightly as she handed the medicine and water over.

Alex huffed softly, unexpectedly hit by a wave of fatigue so complete that she wondered if she could even hold a glass of water to swallow the pills. Her hands began to tremble and she felt her eyes suddenly brimming with more tears as the sheer exhaustion of the past week overcame her.

Stephanie didn't bother with words; she simply plucked the medicine cup from Alex's shaking hands, put them in her mouth and helped guide the water to her lips. She watched her patient struggle to swallow.

"Ssh," she soothed. "Just relax."

Alex simply nodded and let her head fall back against the pillow, watching Stephanie take her blood pressure and temperature.

"Can I get you anything else before I go?"

"No – I'm just – just tired." Her voice shook, betraying her and she quickly bit her lip to hide it, letting her eyes talk for her. She stared up at Stephanie, willing her to see that she just wanted to be alone."

Stephanie nodded in understanding and slipped out.

Alex sighed and thought about Bobby and how he'd acted about going to see his mother. Although he wouldn't tell her any specifics, she could tell that he was worried about her and she attributed it to the fact that she must have been told that Bobby had been injured and he hadn't been up to see her.

The pain in her ribs flared again as she tried to find a comfortable position and she felt a rush of frustration that she still didn't know what had happened to her other than she had been alone in the car going to see her nephew before his tonsil surgery. Bobby wouldn't tell her how he'd been injured either, saying that when the time was right, all would be made clear. She'd rolled her eyes and told him that he sounded like a cheap psychic, talking like that. He'd just grinned and told her he'd be back first thing in the morning.

She'd been wanting some time alone, to try and process everything that had happened but now that she had it, she knew it wasn't going to help. Not knowing where to even start made alone time useless.

At last she felt the pain medication start to kick in and she welcomed it. She didn't want to be alone and awake, so she closed her eyes and let the narcotic do it's job while she let herself drift off to sleep.


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 31

When Bobby arrived at the hospital the next morning, he found his partner sitting in a chair next to the window, watching a helicopter land on the adjacent rooftop. She didn't appear to have heard him come in, focused instead on the bustle of activity as hospital personnel rushed to transfer a patient inside and out of the bitter cold wind.

He couldn't help but notice how stiffly she held herself and she was still very pale except for the fading bruises and the dark circles under her eyes.

"Are you going to stand there all day? I mean, I know I must look pretty bad. . ." Alex ducked her head self-consciously, one hand going to her cheek.

Bobby roused himself with a small shake of his head, relieved that the break of her cheekbone had been clean and no surgery had been required. "Sorry. And no – you don't look bad at all."

Alex's look clearly said, "Yeah – right."

Bobby huffed softly and stepped over to her and knelt down. "Alex – you're alive and you're getting a little better every day." Hesitantly he placed one hand over hers. "How you look today isn't how you'll look in a few days. Just be patient."

Alex sniffed and nodded once. "Easy for you to say."

"Yeah, it is," He responded with a small smile.

"I looked in the mirror this morning and I barely recognized myself," she said morosely.

"You went through a tremendous ordeal-"

Alex jerked her head up. "And I don't remember any of it!" She cried. "You told me I had a wreck but that wouldn't explain the rope burns on my wrists!" She held them out and Bobby glanced down to see the faint red circles on each wrist. "The doctor also told me about a cut on the back of my neck that he said was probably due to a knife or even scissors. What the hell happened to me, Bobby!?"

Bobby closed his eyes against the mental image of Sebastian and the scissors at Alex's neck. "Please, Alex, calm down," Bobby said soothingly, but she wasn't having any of it.

"Don't! I've been calm – it's not doing any good! I hate this! I hate not being able to remember!"

For a moment Bobby just stared at his normally unflappable partner, his mouth agape, but he quickly realized that Alex's reaction should be considered normal and even healthy at this point. She was grieving the loss of her memory and she had every right to be angry or frustrated. He decided to see if a change of subject would help pull her out of her funk.

"Are you ready to get out of here?"

To his surprise she merely shrugged, keeping the movement small and controlled. Now he was really confused. He would have thought for sure that the prospect of going home would have her smiling and eager. "Uh – I thought you wanted – that you -" And then he knew. "You – you're afraid to leave – you're - you've got your hopes up that it'll bring back your memory but you – you don't want to be disappointed if it doesn't."

Alex glared at him. "Brilliant, Bobby. What do I owe you for the psychoanalysis?"

Bobby just cocked his head and refused to rise to the bait.

Alex sighed. "Let's get out of here, okay. They gave me my pain medication just before you came in and we need to get going so I'm not unconscious when we get there."

"Sure."

Ten minutes later they were on the road, with Alex laid out across the back seat, snuggled under a fleece blanket and her head on the pillow he'd brought for her.

As he pulled up to a red light, he felt her hand on his arm. "Thank you, Bobby."

He turned back and smiled but before he could say anything, he saw her features cloud over with guilt. "I'm sorry I -"

"It's okay, Alex." He reassured her, reaching back to take her hand in his.

"Are you sure that you're going to be able to put up with me?" Alex asked morosely, suddenly unable to face him.

Bobby made sure that the light was still red before turning around to answer. He hated that she felt so unsure about herself – he wanted his feisty, self-confident partner back. "I wouldn't have said yes, if I wasn't sure." He gave what he hoped was a reassuring squeeze before reluctantly releasing her hand to resume the drive to her house.

Alex lay quietly, keeping her breathing shallow in an effort to stop the soreness in her chest wall from getting any worse. The movement of the SUV wasn't helping and in fact, between the effects of the narcotic and the motion, she was getting progressively nauseated. In her mind, throwing up was not an option however, since she wasn't sure the medication would prevent the agony she knew retching would cause, or if it would trigger another splitting headache.

Another several minutes went by and she knew that she wasn't going to make it. Her entire body had broken out in a drenching cold sweat and her breathing became more rapid and shallow which only fed into the dizziness and nausea. Nearly panicked, she clutched her left chest wall with one hand and struggled to pull herself up with the other.

"Bobby -" she gasped. "Pull – pull over!"

To his credit, Bobby kept the vehicle under control as he tried to see what was going on. "Alex?"

"Gonna be sick!" she croaked, her voice cracking, her head falling forward.

"Hang on!"

Deftly moving around cars to get to the first available place to pull over, he remembered not to quick stop and put the car in park. He could hear Alex retching and crying as he got out and opened the back door, barely catching her when she tumbled out.

"Alex!"

He didn't know how to hold her without causing more pain and she sank to her knees gagging, both arms wrapped around her chest, trying to splint it. Helpless, Bobby bent down next to her to keep her upright and did the only thing he could think of which was to pull her hair away from her face. The cries from his partner were filled with such agony that it tore at his heart and he was relieved when the vomiting stopped several long seconds later.

Alex moaned softly as all her strength left her and she felt her already weakened muscles let go. Bobby, she knew, would catch her and he did, still awkward and unsure.

"God – Alex -" he murmured gently pulling her close, "don't let me hurt you."

With a detached wonder, Alex realized that she couldn't feel anything at all as the light faded and she didn't even try to fight the blackness that brought the blessed relief from the searing pains in her chest.

Bobby was momentarily paralyzed with indecision as to what to do next: take her back to the hospital or take her home? A pulse check revealed that her heart rate was rapid but steady and he hoped that she had just gotten car sick. Since he was so close to her house, and he knew that she'd be more comfortable in her own bed, he decided to go there and if she didn't wake up soon, he'd call an ambulance. The decision made, he scooped her up, got her resituated in the SUV and drove off.

When he got to her house, he had the foresight to unload their things first and leave the door open so he could carry her in. She began to stir as he pulled her out and he felt a rush of guilt when she groaned quietly. He looked down and saw that her eyes were open, but dull with pain.

"Am I dead yet?"

Bobby winced. "Don't even joke about that." He admonished her and made his way inside going straight for her bedroom.

"Are you all right now?" he asked as he placed her on the bed.

"Yeah, I think so." She closed her eyes, reveling in the softness of her own mattress. "Thank you for not taking me back to the hospital."

Bobby shuffled his feet. "Well – I – uh, I did think about it."

Alex nodded once, unable to keep her eyes open. She was more exhausted than she could ever remember being before in her life. She felt Bobby sit down on the edge of the bed.

"Can I get you anything?" He whispered, running his hand through her hair, smoothing it back.

Alex hummed softly, reveling in his soothing touch. For the longest time, she had been fascinated by her partner's hands. She had seen the strength in them, but she had also witnessed how graceful and expressive he was with them. So rarely had they ever had any physical contact and now, ever since she'd come out of the coma, his touch was becoming increasingly familiar. And comfortable.

Bobby just smiled. "Get some sleep and I'll be right here if you need anything."

When she felt him move as if to stand, she tried to push herself up without any real success. "I – I really need to take a bath."

Bobby put his arm around her to guide her back down. "I know you do, but you – why don't you rest – get some strength back first."

Alex acquiesced, knowing that she'd probably drown in a bath or slip and fall in the shower as tired as she was right now. Bobby helped her pull off her house shoes and thick robe, then let her find a comfortable position to lie in.

As she drifted off, she realized that she hadn't thought about her memory loss at all since arriving home but before she could wonder about it, she was fast asleep.

For several minutes Bobby just stood over her, gazing down at her as she slept, looking so young and innocent that it took his breath away. With a final caress, he turned off the light and slipped out, remembering to leave the door open so he could hear her if she needed anything.


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 32

While Alex slept, Bobby kept himself busy by unpacking his suitcase and then putting away his toiletries in the bathroom. His next chore was to orient himself to Alex's kitchen and to take inventory of the refrigerator and pantry. It seemed that her sister had done a thorough job but had kept it simple with the items she'd chosen. Finally, he made himself a sandwich and reviewed Alex's medications and home care instructions.

When he was done, his own fatigue manifested itself and he remembered ruefully that his own body was still on the mend. The adrenalin rush he had run on earlier was long gone and now he was ready to rest himself. He figured he'd need his strength when Alex woke up. Before making himself comfortable on the recliner, he peeked in on his partner. It looked like she hadn't moved at all, but her breathing was quiet and even and her face relaxed, giving him extra reassurance that she hadn't vomited her pain medication earlier.

As tired as he was though, his mind was still active enough to let him know that sleep might not come quickly so he grabbed the remote control and began channel surfing. Not really conscious of anything that came on, he tried to let his mind go blank and just relax.

Without warning, the elusive sleep he'd sought bore down upon him and he slept soundly until coming awake with a spasmodic jerk hard enough to elicit a groan of pain as his muscles protested the unexpected movement. One hand strayed up to rub his face and especially his blurry eyes. He looked around the room that was almost completely dark now except for the light from the kitchen he'd forgotten to turn off earlier. The time display on the DVD player read 7:30 and Bobby literally did a double take.

With a sharp intake of breath, he shot to his feet.

Over 7 hours!

Alex!

He rushed to her room and skidded to a halt when he realized the bed was empty. His mind racing, his hands pulled up the comforter, blanket and sheets but the bed was really empty. Throwing caution to the wind; figuring that he'd explain if he found her, he stumbled over to her bathroom and threw open the door only to find that she wasn't there either.

For several long moments he stood still, trying to think. What could she be doing? Where could she have gone? Gone!? The thought that she might have gotten the car keys and for whatever reason driven off, sent him running for the front door. His mind was so far ahead, conjuring up frightening scenarios that at first he didn't realize that the reason the door wouldn't open was because the chain was in place.

Berating himself when he saw how ridiculous he must look, he grabbed a hold of the chain and forced himself to just take a deep breath and think.

Okay, he coached himself, Alex is still inside. Just settle down and find her. She probably just got up – saw me asleep – then what?"

Drawing a blank about why she hadn't gone back to bed, he pushed himself away from the door and froze - his eyes going wide, his breath stopping in his throat.

Alex was lying on the floor in front of the large window next to the front door, her prone body nearly hidden by the drapes she had curled up in, obviously trying to get warm.

The sight broke his paralysis and he went to her, falling on his knees, letting his hand caress her head, searching for any new injury but thankfully finding none.

"Alex," he crooned, "Alex – come on – open your eyes." He noticed how cold her skin was because she was lying in a draft from the picture window. Very carefully, he eased his arms under her shoulders and knees to lift her up and then placed her on the couch. She was shivering now, starting to come around so he quickly grabbed the afghan off the back of the couch and carefully snuggled it around her.

"Alex, it's okay – I just need you to wake up for me." He grasped her hands in his, chafing them and trying to infuse some warmth in her chilled fingers.

He felt her fingers twitch in his and he couldn't help but smile in anticipation.

"B-bobby?"

"It's all right, Alex."

She stared up at him, her brow furrowed as she tried to get her bearings. "Uh – Bobby – I'm really – really cold." She winced as she shivered again, trying to splint her chest wall.

"How about I make some tea?" Bobby offered, eying her with concern as she glanced around the room as if she was seeing it for the first time.

"That would be great – and – uh – maybe get the fireplace going?"

"Sure," he said, slightly reassured that she didn't seem any worse for her unexpectedly long nap on the hard floor. He decided not to press her just yet and with a final squeeze of her hands, he went to turn on the gas log and soon had the fireplace emitting a most welcome warmth.

"Thanks, Bobby," Alex sighed softly as she tried to find a comfortable position.

"You're welcome," he responded before heading off to the kitchen.

After he left, Alex simply stared intently at the jumping blue and yellow flames almost hypnotized by the constantly changing firelight and the flickering shadows on the walls. She was still chilled to the bone and the resultant tremors set up a constant ache that she prayed the warmth would penetrate quickly.

She saw how late in the evening it was and now her body was one gigantic ache. "Remind me not to take two pills again if I can help it," she muttered, keeping her breathing shallow. She weakly pulled herself up a little more to get a better view of her living room.

She tried to distract herself by trying to jumpstart her memory with a little experiment. Closing her eyes, she pictured her living room in its entirety, focusing on the little details: the pictures, the plants, each piece of furniture. Concentrating, she reconstructed the room, the fireplace, the mantle, the window. . .

When she was sure of her mental picture, she opened her eyes and began to check herself: item by item, placement, color, detail. Despite her current discomfort, she was inordinately pleased with herself at how well she did; briefly wondering if that was a good or bad thing that she hadn't changed anything in at least 8 months.

From the kitchen, Bobby peered anxiously at his partner as he waited for the water to heat up. Realizing that she must have been sleepwalking worried him and he was at a loss to explain why she had done it. He hoped he could ask her about it without causing her any worry. Remembering to include one of her pain pills with her scheduled meds, he also heated up some of the homemade cream of chicken soup he found in the refrigerator.

He ladled out two bowls full, made them each a cup of tea and put it all on the tray table so he could get it to the living room in one trip.

"Here we go," he said brightly, moving towards her.

"Bobby," she asked, not looking at him, "where's Polly? Where's my bird?"

Bobby stood stock still, his mouth falling gently open. Oh, shit, he thought, we forgot about her bird.


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter 33

Alex stared over at the window, but not really seeing anything. "I was trying to visualize this room – make sure if I remembered everything," she spoke softly, her voice had a dreamy quality. "And I did."

Bobby stood stock still, trying to figure out what to say but drawing a complete blank.

Alex went on. "Then I thought about Polly, but I don't see her. I - I think I was dreaming about her earlier."

After placing the tray table in front of the couch, Bobby sat down next to her. "I fell asleep on the couch here and when I woke up, you were lying on the floor over there," he told her. "You must have been sleepwalking."

Alex turned to look at him. "I thought I was dreaming that I came in here and you're saying that I was sleepwalking? I'm not a sleepwalker."

It took every bit of self control for Bobby not to correct her. "But maybe now, under abnormal circumstances..."

Alex jerked her head over.

Bobby swallowed. "You – you said you were dreaming that you were looking for her – does that – it doesn't seem that farfetched that -"

Alex interrupted him. "Okay – I'll buy that I'm a little stressed right now, but if it was my memory trying to – to reassert itself about Polly – why didn't it just tell me that Polly's gone?"

It was like trekking across a minefield and Bobby rubbed at his jaw, mulling over his words and picking them carefully.

"That part of your memory is - it's not – look – your memory is compartmentalized – the past eight months is – it's like it's behind a locked door."

Alex sighed heavily, massaging her temples as she tried to wrap her brain around her frustration.

"Take a break a minute," Bobby said, handing her the mug filled to the brim and watching her carefully hold on to it with both hands. She wasn't shivering nearly as badly and he let her take a couple of sips before handing her the medications she was overdue to take.

"Do I have to?" Alex wrinkled her nose in distaste.

Bobby smiled sympathetically. "Yeah – you do. And I heated up some of your sister's soup to go with it."

Alex managed a smile. He was really trying and the least she could do was not be such a baby. Even though she wasn't hungry, she didn't want to risk taking any meds on an empty stomach so she let Bobby prop two pillows behind her back and she started in on the wonderful smelling broth.

They ate steadily, saving conversation for later and just tried to enjoy the sound of the fire crackling and the wind blowing outside. Bobby tried to come up with a way to explain about Polly and Alex concentrated on opening her mind and relaxing to see if anything would present itself if she didn't try quite so hard.

The soup and bread was delicious and to Alex's relief, she finally felt human again and not like a popsicle. Even though she hated to admit it, she was glad that she took at least one of the pain pills. The cold and shivering had really done a number on her and sleeping on the floor had contributed to make her extremely uncomfortable.

But now that she had slept, she definitely felt stronger and she hadn't forgotten about her wish to take a hot bath.

First though, she wanted answers about Polly.

Bobby anticipated her question. "To be honest, Alex, we're not exactly sure what happened to Polly," he told her, finishing the last of the soup and putting down the bowl.

Alex raised her eyebrows. "Seriously?" She, too, had eaten all of the soup as well as drinking the tea. With her medication just starting to kick in and now feeling warm inside and out, she wasn't quite as upset as she thought she'd be.

"You had a break-in last year," Bobby told her, intentionally vague as he gathered up the dishes and returned the tray to the kitchen. He wanted to give her a moment to process the first tidbit of information to see if it triggered her memory at all.

Her brow furrowed in deep concentration, Alex stared; her gaze hard as she turned inward. One hand strayed to her mouth and she absently ran one finger across her lips. Traveling down the deeply shadowed corridors of her memory she looked for any familiar occurrence in those darkened areas.

A break-in? In her home? It just didn't seem real since she didn't remember the event. She felt completely disassociated – like a stranger looking in on someone else's life. There was no emotional reaction to the information – it was like hearing a news report about somebody else.

"Did they take anything else besides Polly?" she called out.

Bobby stood over the kitchen sink. When he heard her question, he dropped his head and his shoulders slumped in defeat. All his meticulously thought out plans shot to hell on the first day. He hadn't wanted her abduction by Jo to be the first thing brought up and now he didn't see any good way to get out of it. He sighed heavily and made his way back to her. She was watching him expectantly.

"Just you," he said softly, unable to look at her.


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter 34

Bobby's words stunned her so completely that she could only stare at him, rendered totally speechless. She tried to respond but her neural processes were dulled by her pain medication and the disassociation that returned full force – cloaking her and protecting her while she tried to accept the news: she had been kidnapped? Out of her own home?

Bobby watched her closely as she finally found her voice.

"I – I just – I can't -" she stopped. "It doesn't seem possible – that it – that something like that happened – that I can't remember any -" Abruptly she broke off.

Concerned, Bobby moved in next to her. "Alex – what is it?"

Alex raised her eyes to his. Something had gone through her mind, flashing like a comet, too quick and too bright to grasp hold of. Only the tail of the thoughts remained. She brought her hands up. They were trembling. "My – my wrist," she whispered as horror contorted her features.

Bobby gently took her hands in his. "Ssh – it's over – you're okay."

Alex didn't seem to hear him. She clenched her fists. "I can't – why can't I -?"

Using only his thumbs Bobby gently rubbed her wrists, trying to calm her. "Sssh – don't force it – just relax."

Alex shook her head. "It's gone. I thought I was remembering something – my wrists were tied -" she stopped again. "My wrists –"

Her breath began hitching painfully in her chest. "Then – then and – and now – the – the wreck." Alex felt like she was drowning – nightmare images – shrouded in mist and fog flooded her mind – moving and shifting too quickly for her to hold on to and see clearly. The frustration she felt threatened to overwhelm her as hot tears stung her eyes and spilled down her cheeks.

Bobby quickly released her wrists in order to wrap one arm around her and gently pull her close. Alex dropped her face into her hands, slumping into Bobby's embrace. He could feel her tears soaking through his shirt and feeling her pain as acutely as if it was his own, Bobby's eyes slipped shut and he lowered his head to the bowed one nestled on his shoulder. The trembling of her hands spread and her whole body shook with tremors. Not cold, he knew, but she was fighting the tears and fighting the pain and fighting for control.

"Alex," he murmured, keeping his mouth close and feeling her hair tickle his lips. "Alex, please – ssh." He kept his voice low, wrapping his other arm around her and ever so gently rubbing her back, being extra careful to stay away from her still healing rib fractures.

"I – I thought I – that I was – was remembering," Alex mumbled between sniffles, "I – I thought," she shook her head slightly, "I hoped -"

Bobby winced in sympathy. "Ssh, Alex, come on – you made a start."

Alex struggled to stop crying. It wasn't her and it hurt like hell, despite the pain pill she'd taken. She took a couple of slow shallow breaths, waiting for her heart to stop its painful thudding in her chest. She suddenly realized that she was nestled securely in her partner's arms.

And damned if it didn't feel good, she thought, making no attempt to get out of his grasp.

She raised her head instead and the move put her face only a few inches from Bobby's. Neither made any effort to move apart; no words were spoken and neither knew what to say.

Bobby found his voice first. "Alex." It came out in a rough, raw version of his normal speaking tone.

Alex shivered and they both knew that it had nothing to do with being cold. Bobby cleared his throat and tried again. "I'm sorry, Alex, if I've crossed -"

Alex managed to put her hand to his mouth before he could finish. "Don't," she said breathlessly, "don't you dare apologize." She stared up at him, daring him; then her hand fell limply to her lap. His gaze searched her face, and satisfied that she was all right he nodded and managed a small smile.

"Bobby?"

He stared down at her quizzically. "Yeah?"

"My – my wrists were bound when I had my wreck? It had something to do with my kidnapping, right? They're both connected?"

Bobby sighed. He knew it had been too much to hope that she'd let her brief memory recall drop. "Alex – yes – the two events are connected and it's a long – long story." He watched her closely. "Do – do you – are you able to remember anything?"

Alex looked over at the fireplace and tried to gather her thoughts, but the frustration she had fought so hard against earlier threatened to resurface. She shook her head in resignation.

Bobby ran his hand across his face, wishing that he had handled things differently and on the heels of that was the realization that having Alex in his arms had been something he hadn't intended to happen. It felt forbidden but God help him, it also felt right.

"Bobby, I'm sorry to be a bother," Alex shifted uncomfortably, keeping her eyes downcast in embarrassment "but I really – really need to take a bath. Can – can you help me get it going?"

Bobby groaned.


	16. Chapter 16

Chapter 35

"I'll be okay," she hastened to assure him, "I promise I'll be careful. If you just get the water going, I can do the rest, I think. It's not like you have to be in there with me."

Bobby huffed softly at the misunderstanding. "Hey – it's not a bother. I didn't mean – I'm sorry if I made you think otherwise." Ever so carefully, he extricated himself and stood up. "Just sit tight and I'll get everything set up."

Alex stared up at him, one eyebrow cocked. "This, I can't wait to see."

It took Bobby a full two seconds to realize that Alex was teasing him. And another two seconds for him to think up a comeback.

"You doubt my abilities to run a bath for you?"

"Oh, no," she replied sweetly, "I'm sure you know – exactly – how to run the perfect bath."

Bobby just smiled and gave her hands a squeeze. "Don't move – I'll come get you when everything is set."

Alex nodded and after he was gone, relaxed back against the pillows, basking in the warmth of the fire in front of her. She was glad that she'd only taken one of the pills so that she could still function somewhat, but she was upset that she couldn't grasp any of the images that had flooded her mind. Raising her wrists to the level of her eyes, she stared hard at the faint red scrapes encircling them.

What had happened to her? Clenching her fists, she brought them together – as if they were bound in front of her. Her chest grew tight; she suddenly felt like she was breathing through a very thin straw as she knew that this was how it had been. Almost without knowing why, she raised her wrists above her head. Her heart was pounding like she'd just run a marathon, as feelings of a nameless terror consumed her. It was like this, she thought.

"Alex – what are you doing?" Bobby stood in the doorway, staring at her, his face a mask of confusion and concern. It looked as if an invisible rope was holding her arms above her head – and then it hit him –

Dear God!

Was she remembering?

"Alex?" She turned to face him, her expression dazed. "Bobby? Is – is this right?" Her strength left her and she felt the pain in her chest wall from stretching her arms so she let them fall back down and her gaze followed her hands into her lap.

Bobby was at her side in an instant. His hands reached out to cup her face and he positioned himself so they were eye to eye. "What do you-"

"My wrists – I – I was – hanging - by my wrists."

Bobby could only nod helplessly.

Alex was clearly trying to grasp the memory but ultimately she had to give up and Bobby felt her frustration keenly.

"Alex – I'm sorry."

"I – I was kidnapped and - and held somewhere – hanging by my wrists?"

Bobby nodded again.

Alex swallowed. "That's all – that's all I can remember."

"Okay," he murmured encouragingly. "It's a start. Not – not a great thing to remember – but it's a start."

"Yeah," Alex sighed heavily. "Look, I just want to go soak for a while – okay?"

Bobby could see how discouraged she was. "Yeah, come on. Let me help you up." He stood up and extended his hands. Uncharacteristically, Alex willingly allowed him to guide her to her feet, wincing slightly and wobbling a bit unsteadily.

"Are you sure you're up to this?" Bobby asked worriedly.

"It doesn't matter because I'm going to take a bath. I haven't felt clean since I woke up and I can't stand it any longer."

Bobby stepped slowly towards the bathroom. "Okay, just remember you can't let the water level go above your incisions from the chest tubes. They can get wet, but don't soak them."

Alex grimaced. "I know – I'll be careful."

Bobby opened the door to the bathroom. "I've got towels right here. Fresh pajamas and I put a towel down in the tub so you wouldn't slide around."

Alex was touched. "Thank you. I knew you'd do everything just right."

Bobby shuffled his feet. "Yeah – well, I'm sorry no bubble bath yet."

"Me, too," Alex responded with a grin, but her smile quickly faltered. "Look, I'm fading fast – let me get cleaned up."

"If you're sure -"

Alex raised her right hand. "I promise – I'll be careful and I promise I'll call if I need anything."

Still unsure, Bobby backed out slowly but left the door just slightly ajar.

Alex stared longingly at the bath water that only half filled the tub. Better than nothing, she thought as she slipped out of her loose fitting pajamas. Suddenly she caught sight of her reflection in the mirror over the sink and just as quickly turned away. The bruising was fading, but she was still very pale, her eyes appeared huge and haunted and her cheeks were sunken hollows.

"Just get in while you can," Alex whispered, standing naked in front of the porcelain tub. Her movements awkward and stiff, she managed to maneuver herself into the water, grateful for Bobby's foresight to have the towel down as a cushion. "Oh, God," she moaned softly as she struggled to find a position that she could tolerate.

Outside, Bobby anxiously paced the narrow hallway, casting furtive glances at his watch every so often and trying not to be heard.

He was starting to realize how involved he was going to need to be in Alex's daily care and he wasn't too sure just how he felt about it. It wasn't that he didn't - want – it, but it all seemed so – personal and – intimate. Their relationship had always been buffered by their professional roles and while they had spent as much time together as most married couples, if not more, there was a code of conduct that they had never spoken of but simply followed without question.

It was that code that kept him from being in that bathroom with her and he was frustrated – not sexually – but personally – feeling like he couldn't protect her from harm in the bathroom just because he wasn't supposed to see her naked.

Alexandra Eames – naked.

If she knew what he was thinking right now, she'd have his head on a platter.

Or would she?

He didn't think he'd imagined a look in her eyes as she snuggled in his arms earlier.

He rubbed at his face as he struggled to figure it all out. Feelings and desires that he'd been suppressing for years were threatening to spill over ever since he'd watched Sebastian carry her off into the woods. The realization that he might lose her without ever telling her how he really felt had shaken him to the core of his being. He had always told himself that they were partners and he didn't want to do anything to risk losing the best partner and friend he'd ever had, and that he was satisfied if she would just be there for him.

He thought back to when he had almost confessed his love after she'd gotten pregnant, thinking that she might decide not to come back, but before he could get up the nerve, she had returned to his side and so he put his romantic feelings in the dark corners of his heart and simply loved her from afar.

And then, this past year, he realized that he had almost lost her in another way – first when Jo took her, and then through his own actions as he dealt with his mother's illness. Life wasn't going to stand still. It would march right on past him, taking Alex with it and if he wanted to be with her, as more than a partner or friend then he better do something about it.

Now he was beginning to understand that he didn't want to wait any longer and that he couldn't risk anything else happening without telling her that he loved her.

Not tonight though. Common sense told him to let her recover and he was still going to have to respect the line between them. He would have to respect her privacy and hope like hell that she was careful.

He also needed to find out where Alex stood in all this. Since coming out of the coma, the line between them had blurred significantly. While they both recovered, they were no longer functioning as detectives and being unable to slip into those familiar roles left them with a lot of new territory to explore as just a man and a woman.

And if he was just now opening his eyes to a whole new world of Alex Eames, the woman – he wanted to make sure she was ready and receptive.


	17. Chapter 17

Chapter 36

Bobby paused in front of a small vanity mirror that was hanging on the wall and stared at his reflection critically.

Time for a good talking to, he told himself. He knew that he needed to put any romantic feelings he had for Alex on the back burner for now. He was here to help her get her life back in order – not complicate things further. Alex needs a friend, he reminded himself. She's counting on you and the last thing she should worry about is -

"Bobby?"

His musing interrupted; Bobby jerked his head over at the sound of Alex's tentative call out to him. He went to the bathroom door but stayed outside until he actually heard that she wanted him in there.

"Alex? Are you – is everything okay?"

"Yes – uh – well – no – I mean -"

Bobby had one hand on the doorknob, ready to go in, but waiting. "Alex?"

"Could you come in here?" She called out, hesitantly.

Bobby was already moving before it occurred to him to find out if she was actually decent. Quickly he raised his other hand to cover his eyes and just as quickly ducked his head. "Alex?"

"Uh – Bobby -" Alex couldn't help but smile. She was touched by her partner's sense of decorum. "It's okay – I'm covered."

Sheepishly, he raised his head and lowered his hand. Alex had drained the water from the tub and was standing up in it, her large bath towel wrapped securely around her, leaving her arms and shoulders bare. For several long seconds, Bobby forgot to breathe and Alex was torn between feeling embarrassed at standing half-naked in front of her partner and feeling flattered by the obvious admiration she saw in his eyes.

She managed to find her voice first. "Bobby?"

Startled, he qu8ickly shook his head slightly as if to clear it and smiled shyly. "Sorry. I – uh – I've never seen you in a towel."

Alex laughed self-consciously. "No, no you haven't. I guess I should have warned you."

Bobby shook his head again. "Not necessary. So, what did you - uh – need?"

Alex grimaced. "I know I should have asked for help getting in – I – I almost slipped and I'm just not able to move fast enough."

Bobby looked at the claw footed tub and saw just how high it was. "I guess I didn't think about that either."

"Normally it's no big deal for me – I love just soaking -" Abruptly she broke off. It still felt really odd discussing her bathing habits with her working partner. "Anyway – I should probably just use the guest bathroom for a while."

"Right," he nodded in agreement, "that would probably be best. So – how -?"

Alex took a breath. "I've got this towel pretty secure if you could – uh – just lift me up and out."

Bobby felt like he couldn't breathe. In just seconds, his hands were going to be on her in places that they'd never been before and he wondered if he'd be able to let go once he got a hold of her.

"Okay – sure, I can do that," he mumbled.

Not really convinced of any such thing, he attempted to ready himself by not looking at her face but tried to figure out exactly where he should put his hands to maintain decorum and not cause her any discomfort.

Finally Alex just rolled her eyes. "Bobby, come here."

Startled, Bobby did as she asked and when he was close enough, she eased her arms up to him; automatically he reached out to lift her as if she were a child. Wincing, she managed to bend her legs enough to clear the top of the tub and he turned to set her down then bent his head so they were eye to eye. He was concerned that he'd unintentionally hurt her and that she wouldn't tell him if he did, so he searched for the answer in her face.

He didn't release her but he did move his hands to her shoulders, marveling at the silky smooth skin that he'd seen plenty of times when she wore her tight fitting tank tops but had never before felt with his sensitive fingertips.

Forgetting any discomfort the move had caused, Alex shivered slightly at the gentle caress. "Thanks, Bobby," she whispered, not trusting her voice, but feeling her whole body flush as she tried to catch her breath.

Recognizing the dangerous territory they were walking through, Bobby reluctantly dropped his hands. "I'll let you finish up."

Alex nodded, clutching her towel close and wondering if the lightheadedness she felt was due to the medication or the feelings evoked by the intimate touch of her partner.

Bobby went into the guest room, his thoughts in an even worse turmoil than before. His previous musings came flooding back. His good intentions about being a friend and not being romantic seemed to have left the building because after seeing his beautiful partner in just a towel left him wondering if a cold shower was needed.

He sighed heavily and settled for changing into his pajama bottoms and a NYPD T-shirt then brushing his teeth. When he saw that the bathroom door in Alex's room was still closed, he went back to the living room and turned off the lights and television.

He suddenly remembered about Alex's newly discovered sleepwalking habit and thought he should somehow suggest they sleep together to make sure she stayed safe. Of course, how in the world he could broach that subject without setting himself up for –

"B-bobby!"

At Alex's anguished cry he took off running and this time opened the bathroom door without hesitation. Briefly he noticed that she was in her pajamas and was relieved but the look of horror on her face sent his heart rate racing. "What! What is it?!"

"The – the shower curtain – I – I moved the shower curtain – and – and I – I remembered something!" She was almost hyperventilating, her breath coming in short sharp gasps. The way she was clutching her arms around her chest, she was obviously in pain, but seemed unable to slow down.

Bobby knew exactly what she remembered about a shower curtain and didn't bother to think at all, he simply lifted her in his arms and got out of the bathroom.


	18. Chapter 18

Chapter 37

Alex whimpered softly as Bobby gathered her close to his body and in just a few strides arrived at her bed. After laying her on it, he settled himself against the head board and pulled her to him, resting his cheek on the top of her head and placing a kiss into her hair.

"It's okay, Alex," he said softly.

Alex tipped her head back and Bobby was dismayed to see tears spilling down her cheeks.

"Bobby – I – I'm remembering something -"

"What, Alex? What do you remember?" Bobby kept his voice low and calm amid Alex's storm of remembrance.

"I – I can't see – it's dark – but screaming – there – there's screaming – I can hear screaming! Is it me – am I screaming?" Her words came quickly almost frantically and her breaths were short sharp gasps.

"Sssh Alex - no - it's not you. You didn't scream. Remember that? You didn't scream," he prompted her soothingly as he brushed his hand down the side of her face, fighting to keep his touch soft and delicate in counterbalance to Alex's tremors and tears.

Desperately she searched his face for confirmation of the veracity of what he was telling her.

"I can – I can hear – the screaming – I can't – can't see – I'm - I'm screaming – you – you told me I – I was taken – I was screaming -" Alex's eyes were wide and filled with fear.

"Ssh – ssh – you weren't' screaming – Alex, it wasn't you. Slow down and think, Alex. Try – try to remember – you couldn't see because you were blindfolded – remember? You told me you were blindfolded – but you didn't scream." Bobby continued to hold her securely in his embrace, but positioned so that he could see her face and continue his soothing caresses.

Alex fought for control as she fought to grasp the terrifying memory. Part of her resisted; a form of self-preservation, but another part of her held on - desperate to regain the time she'd lost. No matter how bad it had been – it had been her time and she wanted it back. Bit by tiny bit she was able to pick up a moment of that horrifying ordeal.

"I was hanging – by – by my wrists," she whispered, looking from her wrists to Bobby's face for confirmation.

Schooling himself not to react, Bobby simply nodded; letting her do this herself – knowing she needed to. It had always been her way. But it was so hard to have to watch and listen to her recall one of the darker times in his life.

"Another girl – there was a girl behind -" Abruptly she broke off with dawning realization. "She was behind a shower curtain," Alex was stunned as she suddenly recognized what caused her outburst in the bathroom several minutes ago.

Again Bobby nodded. "Yes - that was what you told me."

"In a hospital bed," Alex said. "I told you that when I was lying in a hospital bed."

"Yeah – you did," Bobby told her softly, recalling the moment vividly. It had been just a few moments before that when she had opened her eyes and, in true Alex fashion, informed him that he looked "like hell".

Bobby almost chuckled at the recollection. He may have looked like something the cat dragged in, but what he had thought was that his partner - even with the bandages, bruises and scrapes, was the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen – because she was alive.

He started when he felt her go limp in his arms. Worriedly he pulled back slightly to get a better look. "Alex?"

"So tired," she murmured, her eyes barely open. "I don't remember anything else – I'm sorry." She drew in one deep ragged breath with a wince then resumed her shallow breathing, trying to keep the burning in her chest at bay.

"Don't apologize," he told her, clutching her close again, relieved when he felt her relax again. "Just let go, Alex. Sleep."

With a quiet sigh, Alex let herself drift off; unable to fight the pain medication and the overwhelming exhaustion that claimed her after the adrenalin rush she'd experienced with her small breakthrough drained out of her.

Bobby breathed his own sigh of relief when it dawned on him that the question of where he would sleep tonight had been decided by default.


	19. Chapter 19

Chapter 38

Twenty minutes later, Bobby was still watching over his sleeping partner, nestled comfortably next to him in her bed. Ever so tenderly he brushed back a stray lock of hair that had fallen across her cheek then took an extra few seconds to finger the silken strands. He was reassured by each quiet breath and greater satisfaction with every steady heartbeat he felt under his fingers at her neck.

Only after he was absolutely positive that she was deeply asleep did he attempt to move her and himself. First, he scooted out to pull back the top sheet and the comforter; fluffed the pillows and then repositioned Alex into a more comfortable position that he hoped would allow her a peaceful night's sleep.

The next step was to figure out the best way to protect her and still get some sleep himself. Staring down at her, he decided to tuck the sheets firmly under the mattress on one side to provide one half of a wall and have himself lay on her other side. Satisfied with his plan, he adjusted the covers, and then carefully slid under them on his side. He put one hand on Alex's and soon fell fast asleep, reassured that she would be safe and he would know if she got out of bed.

Chapter 39

Alex jerked her head up, the fuzzy remnants of a nightmare danced around the edges of her brain. Disorientation held her fast when she could barely move and discovered that she wasn't alone in her bed. She inhaled sharply and tried to sit up, but she couldn't get the covers off and her movements only caused the pain of her healing rib fractures to flare. Forcing herself to calm down, she felt around and realized that the covers were tucked in tightly beneath the mattress, neatly pinning her in.

A little more awake now, she glanced over at the LED on her clock and saw that it was only six thirty in the morning and that it was Bobby sleeping next to her, his face less than a foot away. The events of last night came flooding back except for the part that Bobby was going to be sleeping in her bed. She definitely didn't remember that part of the arrangement.

On one level, she thought she should be a little upset but things were different now and it wasn't like they had done anything except sleep. She was frustrated that her condition had apparently warranted this level of care, but she knew that she couldn't fault Bobby for looking out for her – she would willingly do the same for him if their positions were reversed. She guessed that she must have dozed off before they could discuss the situation and when she remembered how worried Bobby had been that she had been sleepwalking, she thought that she shouldn't be surprised that this had been his solution.

She thought of how last night, her memory had given her a momentary glimpse of a past she had forgotten and how disconcerting this all was. The fact that Bobby had slept next to her was unexpected but certainly not unwelcome. She was touched by his caring compassion and suddenly she was staring at him with new eyes and really seeing him in a whole new light.

Gazing over at him she became more and more fascinated by his face – the planes – the angles – the curves and the lines. Seeing his face in repose was like seeing a whole other person and it took her breath away.

It didn't take long before she realized that just looking wasn't enough and seemingly of its own volition, her right hand reached out to touch his forehead, and then ever so softly run just the tips of her fingers through his scalp following the curves from front to back. His short hair, with a slight wave was softer than she expected and as the early morning sun peeked in through an opening in the curtains, it cast alluring shadows over his face.

Like a feather, her hand moved again to brush tantalizingly over the rough stubble on his cheek, tracing the jaw line. The sensation was made more intense because it was Bobby. Her partner. Her friend. They'd been together for six years yet she'd never allowed herself to really see his face. To see him and not have him aware of her observations. And it was thrilling.

She somehow knew that never had she lain next to him while he was in this most vulnerable state of deep sleep. It was intoxicating. She drank it all in – greedily. The pounding of her heart only made the ache in her chest more pronounced, but she tuned it out as she wondered what she would say if he woke up and saw her staring so intently or felt her touching his face.

The unspoken professional barrier that had always existed between them seemed to have shriveled down to a mere bump in the road. That knowledge filled her with a whole different kind of anxiety and she knew that she wasn't in any way capable of resolving this until she regained her memory.

Tentatively she reached out to touch his hair just one more time before bringing her hand back and tucking it under the blanket to stave off further temptation.

Gradually her eyelids grew heavier even though the ache in her chest wall had not abated. She decided to try and go back to sleep rather than disturb Bobby, knowing that he was still on the mend himself and needed rest as well.

She managed one more look before the weight of sleep closed her eyes and stole this moment from her.

Had he done this? She wondered.

When she was unconscious, did he sit next to her bed and hold her hand or touch her face? Take comfort in her breathing?

Her last conscious thought was the fervent hope that he had.

-------------------------------------------------------------

Bobby opened his eyes slowly, not exactly sure what he would see, but not really expecting the disheveled mop of dark blonde hair just inches from his face. As he pulled back slightly, he couldn't help but smile when he saw that Alex's hair had somehow managed to cover almost her entire face except for the tip of her pert little nose and that her hands were tucked under her head like a child's. He winced at the thought of what she'd say if she knew he thought just how adorably cute she looked right then, but the little voice inside of him pointed out that it didn't make it any less true.

Stripped of her daily uniform of boots, slacks, jackets and tanks or blouses and all the trappings of one of New York's fines detectives for Major Case was forcing him to see a whole other side of her. One that he had only ever seen brief glimpses of; like when they had barged in on the Harrington Party and she'd been wearing that black dress with her hair styled in a way he'd never seen her wear it. Even the casual jeans he'd seen her in for some of their other undercover gigs when she brought another persona to light were merely tantalizingly short moments of time. These days he was getting an unobstructed view of just Alex.

With the gentlest of touches, he reached out and brushed back the blonde wisps of hair to bring his sleeping partner's face to light. A smile touched his lips as he stared at her, happily noticing that the bruises were almost gone, barely discernible in the rays of an early morning sun. When he saw that it was almost nine in the morning, he decided that as pleasant as it was, he couldn't stay in bed all day. Reluctantly he pulled himself out from the warmth of the covers and padded quietly to the bathroom to shower and change after just one more glance at Alex's sleeping face.

Chapter 40

"Alex."

Alex reached out to swat blindly at the alarm clock.

Bobby couldn't help but smirk when she missed by over a foot. He tried again, leaning in closer. "Alex, wake up."

She murmured something unintelligible and shifted until she was lying on her back.

Bobby, still grinning, perched on his side of the bed and thought about his old trick of waving the coffee mug under her nose but Alex unexpectedly began mumbling again and coupled it with tossing her head from side to side. The pained look on her face instantly wiped the smile off of Bobby's. Suddenly he became very interested in what she was saying – talking in her sleep.

"Alex?" he whispered, trying to prompt her after carefully putting the coffee mug safely aside.

" – sorry – I'm - I'm sorry, Bobby -" Alex whimpered.

Bobby froze, even as his thoughts ping-ponged around his brain: was she dreaming – was she remembering – both – but what in the world would she be apologizing for? Should he wake her up or let her finish? Would she remember if he let her sleep through it or forget if he woke her up?

Before he could decide on a course of action, Alex moaned again – "No – Bobby – don't -"

Bobby was positively stricken. What the hell had he done? 

"Don't, Bobby – don't – don't make me go – don't -" Alex continued to move restlessly under the covers, and her head shook side to side.

Watching her, Bobby was nearly overwhelmed by guilt and despair for something that he had no idea what, but that was causing his partner to beg and plead in her sleep? Or in a nightmare?

"Ray! No – let me stay here! Ray – no – Ray!" With a strangled cry, Alex was jerked back to the reality of now and being awake.

The sudden movement sent tearing waves of agony through her chest and before Bobby could respond to the words and what they meant, he reacted to the pain he heard in her voice. He saw that her eyes were open and frantic as he reached forward to envelop her and gently lay her back down against his body in a slightly awkward hug. He watched tears slide down her cheeks as she struggled to regain control and when he felt her hands on his face he pulled back enough to see her staring up at him.

"Bobby – is it – is it over?"

Unsure of exactly how to answer, Bobby took the safest route and nodded. "Yes, it's over – you're okay."

"I'm so sorry."

Bobby shook his head. "What, Alex? What in the world are you sorry for?" The only Ray that came to his mind was Officer Ray Wiznesky, the cop who'd killed himself in front of his wife and daughter and he couldn't reconcile that event to Alex's need to apologize. Then it hit him: "don't make me go", she'd said.

"I should have stayed, Bobby," Alex whispered fiercely. "I'm your partner."

"I told you to go – you don't have to apologize."

"No," Alex sniffed, "I should have stayed, but I was afraid and when you offered me an out – I – I took it."

Bobby reached over to brush her hair away from her tear-stained cheeks. "It was okay to be afraid. That's why I wanted you out."

"What? Why was I afraid?" Alex stared up at him, confused.

Bobby blinked. "Don't – don't you remember?"

Alex searched her memory, but the door that had briefly been open was closed again. It was if a candle had been snuffed out. Bobby sighed as he watched the light in her eyes dim. "It's okay, Alex – baby steps. We'll - we'll get there."

Alex buried her face in his chest, and let Bobby rock her gently as she tried to take it in. The aggravation was building up. Pieces of her memory kept floating around like leaves tossed by a gusty breeze. She was able to catch some of them; like leaving Bobby with that Ray and hating that she'd been afraid. But why she was afraid and why had they been in a stand off with a cop? Those memories continued to elude her and the harder she tried to grasp them the quicker they seemed to evaporate like smoke.

Bobby continued his tender ministrations, trying to calm her and, he admitted, himself. It had shaken him to hear her admit that she regretted leaving him with Ray when in his mind he hadn't given her a choice.

"Bobby?" Alex's voice was muffled.

Bobby used one hand to brush her hair again and placed a chaste kiss on the top of her head, nestled just below his chin. "Hmmm?"

"Bobby, I'm – I'm sorry – but – the pain – its really bad right now."

Instantly Bobby was moving. "Just lay here -"

"I have to go to the bathroom first," she broke in.

"Okay." Bobby helped her out and onto her feet. Alex was proud of herself for staying upright as she stepped gingerly towards the bathroom.

Knowing how badly she needed to do something for herself and remembering his promise not to baby her, too much, Bobby let her go and when he was sure she was safely inside, he hurried to get her medication and a light breakfast.

Inside the bathroom, Alex sank heavily down on the commode. A thin film of perspiration covered her forehead and her chest and shoulder muscles were a constant pain. She was furious at her own body for betraying her like this.

When she was finished freshening up, she stepped back out and saw Bobby waiting for her with a breakfast filled tray. He went over to her and lightly grasped her arm.

"Come on, Alex. Get something to eat and take your medicine and then why don't we start this day over?"

Alex felt her shoulders slump and nodded morosely. "Yeah, why don't we try that." She bit back the tears and nibbled on the toast. Bobby shuffled his feet and tried not to hover over her, finally settling on taking his coffee and sitting on the easy chair next to the window.

Alex swallowed her medication and wondered if she'd ever get her life on course, or if Bobby would get tired of taking care of someone that was obviously holding him back. 


	20. Chapter 20

Chapter 41

After managing a few more bites of the light breakfast Bobby had made, she crawled back under the covers. Unable to look her partner in the eye, she meekly asked him if he would lie down with her until she fell asleep.

With a slightly puzzled look on his face, Bobby carefully maneuvered himself next to her and gently pulled her close.

Alex lay nestled in his arms, waiting for the medication to kick in and take away the constant ache she felt. Not only from the rib fractures, but the almost generalized pain from her unending struggle to regain her memory and control in her life. It was as though the real Alex had been stripped away leaving her as a weak, emotional shell of her formal self.

She hated it. She hated feeling like this and right now she felt completely at a loss as to how to make it better or even different.

Sleep. She just wanted to sleep.

Escape. If not physically, which was impossible; then at least she could sleep – perchance to dream, as Bobby might say.

Bobby.

The tiniest ghost of a smile touched her lips at the thought of the man currently lying in her bed, cradling her so tenderly it almost made her want to cry tears of joy.

Never before had she felt so – what? What was the word that she was looking for? The narcotic was beginning to dull her thought processes in addition to the ache – but she struggled to finish naming the sensation she was experiencing. A foreign feeling, or maybe unfamiliar would be more accurate.

Her eyelids were so very heavy and she shifted ever so slightly, not wanting to let go just yet. Immediately she felt Bobby's arms tense.

"Ssh," he murmured, his breath at her ear tickling her with its warmth. "Relax – go to sleep. Everything is all right."

Alex smiled as the drug pulled her down. Maybe things weren't really all right, but she did have the word she was looking for to describe how she felt in Bobby's embrace.

Cherished.

Chapter 42

Captain Danny Ross stared down at the three personnel files spread out in front of him and couldn't help but to heave a tortured, unprofessional sigh. He figured he was entitled to do just that in the privacy of his own damn office. Rubbing his forehead absently, he tried to ease the tension by formulating some kind of evil plot to take down the Chief of D's. The way he saw it, the guy had it coming for foisting 3 detectives on him to cover Goren, Eames and Wheeler.

What a mess, he nearly groaned aloud.

He was right in the middle of a particularly fiendish scenario when Logan knocked on the door and without waiting for an invitation, poked his head in.

"Hey, Cap."

Ross closed his eyes and silently counted to 10. "Well, at least you're knocking first."

Logan just grinned insolently. "Have you talked to Goren recently?"

"No. Not since Eames went home two days ago. If he doesn't check in today, I'll call him. What's going on with your partner?"

Logan shrugged. "Still in rehab, but she's released for desk duty in the morning."

"Good," Ross stated. "That means I should be able to send back at least one of these detectives the Chief of D's is palming off on me."

Logan sank into the nearest chair with a groan. "Awww hell – no."

Ross cocked his head to one side and raised his eyebrows. "Just how long did you think we'd get by on a skeleton crew?"

Logan groaned again in answer. "I think I feel a two – maybe three week illness coming on."

Ross rolled his eyes and tossed the files over. "Go greet the temps and try not to take it out on them. It's not their choice to work with you either."

Logan caught the files awkwardly, scrunching his nose at his Captain's jab and decided to beat a hasty retreat.

When he was alone again, Ross took a large gulp of his rapidly cooling coffee and reached for the phone, deciding it was time to check in on Goren and Eames. Before his hand could touch the receiver however, it rang and with his hand already in the motion of picking it up the ring was abruptly cut off.

"Ross."

"Uh – Captain?"

"Goren? Is everything all right? I was just about to call you."

"Well, I – I think so, sir."

Ross' brow furrowed in obvious confusion. "What are you talking about?"

He heard Goren exhale noisily and he waited impatiently for his detective to get to the point.

"Captain – I'm not – I don't know if I can explain. The first day back was hard, but she did remember a few minor things, not especially pleasant events – it was draining – physically and emotionally but she'd sleep it off and well – I think it helped her as much as hurt – in a way."

Ross picked up a pen and began doodling mindlessly on his blotter. "Remembering what, exactly?"

"Her capture by Jo," was Goren's startling reply. "Not all of it – not every part – but – well – the shower curtain – the – hanging by her wrists."

Ross' pained expression did not transmit through the phone but his silence spoke volumes.

It was Goren who broke the silence. "Sir – I'm starting to think that I'm not the best person to be with her."

Ross jerked his head up. "What?" he blurted. "Why not?"

"Eames – she – she's -"

Ross unconsciously held his breath, absolutely astounded at what he was hearing. Goren had been so insistent that he would be the best thing for Eames' recovery – what the hell had caused this turn around?

"Did something specific happen, Detective?"

Ross heard Goren sigh again. "Her sister and her nephew stopped by – they're going to be out of the country for several months – at first Eames didn't - she – she said it was no problem – but I saw – I watched her with her nephew and she seemed lost – sad, even. Nothing I'm saying is helping her – she just looks at his picture and withdraws."

"But nothing jogged her memory," Ross said, not really surprised. An inkling of insight was working its way into his thoughts – but he couldn't put his finger on it. Yet.

"Uh – no, sir." Goren confirmed glumly.

Ross considered the situation for a minute, and a new thought struck him. "Her nephew – isn't he – I mean I read in Eames' file that she was a surrogate for her sister. Is this the child?"

"Yes, sir."

"Then, Detective, I'd be willing to bet that she's upset that she wasn't prepared for how much he changed in these months that she doesn't remember. This part – it's family – not work related. Since she's come out of the coma, she'd been avoiding her family, right? Seeing her nephew wasn't something she had prepared for."

"You're probably right, sir." Relief was evident in Goren's voice. "I don't know why I didn't see that. I didn't even think of it that way."

"Goren -" Ross interrupted. "It's all right. I'm sure you're doing the best you can in a difficult situation. How is she physically? Getting her to counseling is top priority at this stage."

"I understand, sir. And I agree, but I think we should give her more time. She still seems to be in a fair amount of pain, and between the medication and her fatigue I just don't think she'd be able to give a therapist the proper attention."

"All right, we'll hold off on that for a bit. You're probably right on that issue." Ross cleared his throat. "Detective – can I be perfectly frank with you?"

He could almost see his detective squirming.

"Uh – yes, sir."

"Why do you doubt yourself now? With her sister gone, it sounds like you're it."

"I thought I knew her so well – and I don't seem to be seeing what I should. As you know, I wasn't exactly the best partner. In fact, we had just really cleared everything up right before all this went down."

Ross had never heard Goren sound quite so despondent. "You do know her – I realize that it's been a bit rocky, what with all that's happened before the amnesia – but I can't believe that the both of you are my two best detectives for no reason. There is a reason. It's because you – do – know each other. You're partners.

As Ross worked to convince Goren, he came to understand that he was convincing himself as well.

Goren remained silent. Ross took a breath then plunged ahead. "What you need to realize and accept, as I'm beginning to myself, is that you love her."

Ross almost laughed at the strangled gasp at his ear, while Goren sputtered and choked trying to get his denial out fast enough.

Ross cut him off. "Goren – listen to me. Now I know I'm not exactly an expert on women – just ask my ex-wife – I'm divorced, the father of two boys and I don't even have any sisters. But even though our marriage suffered, our boys haven't and that's because she taught me the difference between loving someone and being in love with someone. We fell out of love, but she's the mother of my sons and I'll always love her for that even though we can't be together. Do you understand what I'm saying?"

Goren paused a beat before answering. "Yes, sir. I understand."

Realizing just how open he'd been, Ross nervously cleared his throat and tried to regain his equilibrium and professional aloofness. "The NYPD doesn't have any regulations about loving someone."

"Sir – Eames is my partner!"

Ross nearly growled in frustration. "For someone who's able to get inside people's minds, you are seriously in need of getting inside your own. You know that I'm right. There's nothing wrong with loving her. I believe that's why you two – are - so good together – you haven't confused 'loving' and being 'in love'. It's why you two are still partners."

Finally Goren found his voice again.

"I – I think I've know this – on some level."

"I agree. A deep level – almost sub-conscious, I'd say."

"But it's Detective Eames that I know. At work, that's who I see – she's who I work with. Now – well – now, she's just Alex."

Ross rubbed his hand across his eyes trying to relieve the tension. "And it's Alex that needs you to bring back the detective. And I have a feeling that it's your love for her that's going to be her lifeline in getting through all this."

"Sir, -"

"Goren – it's okay to love her. I can see that now. It's what kept you two together these past nine months when everything was working against you." Ross thought he could almost see the wheels spinning as Goren mulled over what he had just been told.

The tumultuous months that Ross was referring to: a new captain, being held captive, dramatic, emotional cases and a partner dealing poorly with his schizophrenic mother who'd been sentenced to death with cancer.

"Sir, do you really think I can do this?"

Ross squirmed uncomfortably. Then he remembered the confrontation between Goren and Gage on the street when Eames' cell phone had been found in Gage's case. The fire – the intensity – the absolute rage he'd seen in Goren. . .

"Goren – if not you, then who? Think about it. Remember what Eames told us abut her prison – what she went through to get out?"

"I remember."

From the tone of his voice, Ross had a pretty good idea how vividly he was remembering that torture chamber. "She fought to get out. She fought to save you and your job when we lost the commissioner's daughter. Now it's your turn. You fight. If you want your partner back – fight for her the way she fought. She doesn't remember that she did but I think if anyone can help her, it's going to be you."

Ross didn't wait for a response. He hung up the phone and promptly went out to refill his coffee cup trying to figure up how to send an update to the brass upstairs on the status of his detectives.


	21. Chapter 21

Chapter 43

Bobby slowly put down the phone, barely aware that it was even in his hand. He felt completely shell-shocked by his conversation with his captain. It was a sucker-punch to his very being that the man who he'd known less than a year had seen what he was only just now starting to acknowledge. Having kept his feelings for Alex buried and disguised as "caring and concern for one's partner" obviously hadn't fooled everyone. His cheeks felt flushed even as he replayed Ross' words in his head.

Now, he needed to push past his embarrassment and figure out how was this going to help him help Alex get her memory back.

Realizing that he hadn't heard from her in several hours, he quickly got up to check on her. Stepping quietly down the hall, he pushed open the bedroom door that he'd purposefully left ajar in case he was needed and peeked in.

Actually, it was no surprise that she was sound asleep. Bobby clenched his jaw in frustration. He was starting to think that she was using sleep as a way to not have to deal with her amnesia, her pain and her whole current situation of having her partner as a babysitter.

Ever since her sister's visit, she'd barely eaten, barely moved and hardly said more than two words when he tried to start a conversation or draw her out in any way. Dispensing with the pretense of being quiet, he stepped back into the hall and returned to the living room.

A glance outside showed that the snow was falling again so he grabbed the remote to watch the Weather Channel. He couldn't remember a March with this much snow – he felt like he was living on the Arctic Circle.

When Alex hadn't come out of her room by 6 o'clock, Bobby took it upon himself to go and get her. It was no surprise that she was resistant to the idea of eating dinner, much less leaving her bed.

"Alex, you have to eat something." Bobby sat down on the edge of the bed and pulled back the cover that Alex had tried to burrow under.

"I'm not hungry," Alex said, not quite whining, but her tone still managed to set Bobby's teeth on edge.

"Alex." With great effort Bobby kept his anger in check. "You need to get out of the bed, and move around a little." He almost rolled his eyes when he realized that his tone of voice made him sound like he was talking to a child.

Alex's response was to roll away from him, wincing in pain. A rush of guilt hit him and Bobby was starting to think that he wasn't going to be able to push her as much as he knew he needed to. It was another reason he had expressed his concern to Ross about whether he was doing the right thing by staying with Alex. But if not him – then who, he reminded himself.

"Please, Alex," he wheedled, "just a little while. I'll keep it simple – just some soup and you can freshen up a bit."

"Bobby, I'm tired." Alex replied, her voice muffled.

She didn't hear him sigh, but the frustration he was feeling was evident.

"Alex – I'm not going to take no for an answer. Don't make me the bad guy here."

She made no attempt to hide her own sigh of frustration as she slowly rolled back to face her partner. "I'm not trying to do that."

"Good. Now come on – let's get you out of that bed. It's time for your medication."

Alex closed her eyes. Fine, she thought wrathfully. She'd take the antibiotic and other prescribed pills if it meant she'd be able to take the pain medication to ease the seemingly never-ending aching she felt.

Careful not to gloat, Bobby gave her a hand up. "I'll start the soup."

Alex just nodded and went to the bathroom making sure that she didn't look into the mirror. She had no desire to see herself after that first day, feeling like a stranger in her own body, betrayed by her memory loss and completely out of control. Her continued physical limitations and discomfort left her completely drained of energy. She was utterly exhausted.

Chapter 44

When Bobby realized that Alex still hadn't come out, he resisted the urge to slam something and he turned to go back to the bedroom, but was forced to pull up short when she rounded the corner right in front of him.

"Oh – hey – good – you made it." He stepped back over to the stove to turn off the burner. Alex shuffled towards the table, hoping that Bobby didn't notice just how stiffly she was moving. Before she could sit down, Bobby asked if she would grab a couple of bowls while he got the rolls out of the oven.

Alex swallowed. "Yeah, sure."

Bobby peeked over at her as she did what he asked. He was pleased to see that she'd put on a fresh nightgown under her robe and that her hair had been brushed. She put the bowls on the counter without a word as Bobby set down the baking sheet and removed the golden brown rolls. He waited for her to take the medication he'd laid out for her, and then put everything else on the table.

She started to turn away from him, but he reached out and stopped her with a hand on her elbow. Reluctantly she allowed herself to face him but she kept her eyes downcast.

Bobby placed one hand under her chin and gently lifted her face towards his. Now he had an unobstructed view of the dark circles under her eyes, the only color on her pale skin. At his touch, Alex was unable to stop the welling of tears, knowing what was going through his mind. She knew that she looked like death warmed over and she felt even worse, so she was more than a little surprised when Bobby brought his other hand up and now cupped her face.

Almost as a reflex, she raised her own hands to cover his. "Bobby?"

Deftly he slipped his hands out and around so that now his hands were back on top. "I'm glad you could join me."

Alex just stared up at him. She had expected to get a lecture but Bobby surprised her.

Bobby ever so delicately brushed away her tears with his thumbs, the heat of the salty liquid cleansing away the negativity and the irritation that had been building up inside of him since her withdrawal after her sister's visit.

Staring down at her, the air felt charged somehow, but he made a conscious decision to slow down. Not now. The time wasn't right by any stretch of the imagination.

Alex's strength was almost gone and she was literally swaying on her feet. He quickly put his own feelings on the back burner where they belonged and directed his energy to building hers up. Before she knew what was happening, he tenderly guided her to the chair and proceeded to serve the light dinner he had prepared.

Alex picked up the warm bread and began picking at it, her thoughts in turmoil. She felt a little overwhelmed by Bobby's actions when just a short while ago she knew he was – she searched for the right word – aggravated – yeah – aggravated. She was perfectly aware that he had every right to be irritated, knowing that she was being annoying, if anything.

Yet here he was, sitting across from her, taking better care of her than she was; caring about her when she was hardly willing to get out of bed and face another day of not knowing what had happened to her the last eight months.

Bobby was on his third bite when he realized that Alex wasn't eating the roll as much as turning it into a pile of crumbs, pinching off a tiny piece and letting it fall in the soup.

"Alex?"

"Hmmm?" She stared over at him.

Bobby didn't say a word, simply tilting his head and letting the expression on his face do the talking.

"Sorry," she mumbled, taking her spoon and started in on her soup.

Bobby sighed, but not in anger. He put down his own spoon and scooted his chair closer to hers. "Alex, you've only been home a few days. It'll –"

Down went Alex's spoon. "No, Bobby," she cut him off, "No. I'm not talking about it. I haven't remembered anything else, my entire body is one gigantic pain and I can't sleep more than a couple of hours without waking up –" Abruptly she broke off. This wasn't right. This wasn't who she was. She stared up at her partner and tried to find the words. Although her lips moved – she couldn't, she had no idea how to start. "I'm sorry, Bobby." She ducked her head and managed a couple more bites of the soup.

Bobby managed a weak grin. "Don't apologize, Alex, please." Secretly he was just happy that she was eating and making more of an effort, even though he could see how much that effort was costing her.

She was obviously starting to feel the effects of the medication and made a move to stand up when a phone rang. "I wonder who that is," she muttered, not noticing the reaction of her partner, as he quickly brushed past to get to the phone.

He felt the first stirrings of panic, recognizing the special ringtone he had assigned for calls from Carmel Ridge. His mother. Something had to be wrong for them to be calling at this time of the evening.

Chapter 45

Alex paused in the doorway on her way back to the bedroom, waiting to see who was on the phone.

"This is Robert Goren." He held the phone to his ear as he began pacing back and forth. "Okay – just a minute, please." He looked over at Alex. "It's about my mom. Can you make it back to bed okay?"

Alex did a double-take. "Uh – yeah. Is everything all right?"

"I'll let you know. Just be careful, okay?" He turned away to give his full attention to his caller. "I'm back – are you still there?"

Forgetting herself for a moment, Alex slowly stepped down the hall, back to her room. She was torn between curiosity and her wish to respect Bobby's privacy. Her thoughts swirled around in her head as she got ready for bed, climbed under the covers and settled in. Although she intended to wait up for Bobby to come and talk with her, she just couldn't keep her eyes open and was soon fast asleep.

Chapter 46

For the second time in one day, Bobby was feeling like he'd been blindsided by a phone call. Just when he was coming to terms with Ross' take on his and Alex's relationship, now he was going to have to deal with his mother.

Except that wasn't exactly right. His relationship with his mother was about to come to an end. The doctors had conferred and felt like she wasn't going to be able to hang on much longer. She was in an incredible amount of pain and surprisingly, she was more lucid; talking coherently and asking for him in between doses of the medicines she was receiving. They felt that Bobby needed to come as quickly as possible.

Bobby found himself standing stock still in the middle of the room, and yet while his body felt frozen, his mind and emotions were swirling inside of him like a Texas tornado.

It was starting to overwhelm him and he literally felt torn in two. His past – his mother – she was dying. Literally dying. She had given him life and yet her disease affected him and how he lived his own life. Now, he had one final opportunity for closure before she was taken from him forever.

Then there was Alex. In so many ways, she was his future. She had given him a different kind of life. He didn't know exactly how, but he was going to help her get back on track so that they could figure out what the next step was together.

Growing up, his life was entwined with his mother and it took years for him to disentangle himself from the schizophrenia to stand on his own. His connection to Alex could also be described as entwined, but the difference was that he had spent his life trying to pull away from his mother and he wanted to be completely enveloped by Alex, knowing that he could still be himself. He loved his mother, but her mental condition was like imprisonment – his love for Alex was liberating.

He went to the window and stared out at the thick blanket of snow that covered everything he could see. He was worried. The drive to Carmel Ridge would not be easy. The calendar said March, but frankly there was no sign of spring – it looked like a winter in North Dakota out there. And he wasn't going to be making the drive by himself – there was no way he could leave Alex here alone. She would have to make the trip with him. He realized that he'd need to fill her in on his mother's condition since she had no memory of it.

Remembering that he'd said he would tell her what the phone call was about, he quickly went to her bedroom. It was no surprise that she was asleep. He knew he wouldn't be able to drive tonight so he decided to see if he could get some sleep and he'd fill Alex in on the details in the morning.


	22. Chapter 22

Chapter 47

By 6 in the morning, Bobby had given up on trying to get any meaningful sleep. He had chosen to sleep in the guest room so as not to disturb Alex, which had proven to be a wise decision since he spent most of the night tossing and turning, his thoughts bouncing around in his head.

Frustrated, he threw back the covers and went to take a shower. He chose casual but warm clothes to wear then put on a pot of coffee and called Ross to fill him in on his mother's condition and that they'd be going up to Carmel Ridge.

"And Eames is going with you?" Ross sounded incredulous.

Bobby ran a tired hand across his face. "I'm planning to be back tonight, but if I can't, then I don't think she should be left alone. We have no idea when her memory might return and how she'll react when it does."

Ross was silent, choosing not to comment on Goren's apparent certainty of Eames' amnesia being resolved at some point. "All right – keep me informed. And Goren, again, my condolences."

Bobby thanked him then hung up the phone and went to get Alex up. When he walked into her room, he noticed that she was in almost the same position she'd been in when he checked on her last night. His brow furrowing in concern, he quickly went to her and sat down on the edge of the bed, touching her arm enough to wake her.

Almost immediately she mumbled something incoherent and opened her eyes to Bobby's immense relief. "Alex, you need to get up." 

There was something in the tone of his voice and coupled with remembering last night's phone call, she quickly complied with his request. She rubbed at her eyes trying to clear her vision. "Is it your mom?"

Bobby sighed. "Yeah – uh – I need to fill you in because this started a while back and you – your memory – "

"What is it, Bobby? Just tell me – I can handle it."

"I know you can." He reminded himself that he had promised her that he wouldn't "molly coddle" her during her recovery, so he dived right in.

Alex managed to pull herself up in bed, giving Bobby her complete attention. When he told her that they were going up to Carmel Ridge as soon as she got ready, it had taken every single ounce of will power not to protest or even downright refuse. Alex realized quickly though, that this was the very least she could do. Bobby had put his life on hold to be with her, and she had no right in the world to abandon him on the one day he needed to see his mom. Maybe it would be the last day. It made her struggles to recover from her attack seem pretty insignificant. At least she was alive. And she was with Bobby. Frances Goren had no one and very little time left on this Earth with her son.

"Bobby, I'm sorry. Let me see if I can find something comfortable to wear and we'll get going." Schooling her features to remain expressionless she splinted her still painful left side of her chest and got out of bed.

Feeling bad for having to drag Alex out of the comforts of her home after spending over a week in the hospital, Bobby put his hands at his temples, attempting to ward off the headache that was trying to form behind his tired eyes. "I'll grab something for us to eat and drink." He was almost out the door when Alex called him back.

"Bobby – please promise me you'll stop worrying about me today. I'll make it – just focus on your mom, okay?"

Bobby managed a wry grin. "Sorry, no promises I can't keep. But I will try."

It took Alex almost half an hour but she was able to sponge off and dig up some fleece work-out pants and two long-sleeved shirts. Bobby helped to get a bulky sweater on to help as well as a pair of light-weight hiking boots feeling like they'd be more effective than just tennis shoes.

"Here's your medication. I'm going to go warm up the car and then I'll come back for you."

Alex just nodded, almost unable to mask just how bad she was feeling right now. She was starting to think that she had a fever because the burning ache she was feeling was somehow different. She looked at the pills that Bobby had left for her but instead of taking them; she wrapped them in a tissue to tuck into her pocket. There was no way she could handle a repeat of her last car ride. It had been 12 hours since her last dose of the narcotic so waiting a couple more hours until they got to Carmel Ridge was preferable to getting car sick.

After they were bundled in coats, scarves and gloves, Bobby opened the front door and held out his other hand to pull Alex close to him. She in turn used both of her hands to clutch his arm, shivering in the cold and leaning on him for support in the frigid wind.

"Watch your step," he cautioned, even as he slid on an icy patch in the middle of the sidewalk. Alex simply nodded; all her focus on staying upright.

"Front seat or back?" Bobby asked when they got to the Explorer.

"Back," Alex answered. "I need to lie down."

Fighting back another wave of guilt, Bobby quickly opened the rear door and helped Alex to get settled. Once they were on the road, all of his attention was on navigating the treacherous roads and trying not to think that he might be too late. That his mother's battle with cancer would end before he could properly say good bye. God – he just didn't want her to be alone at the end. He started to feel anxious for not leaving last night, but seeing how much trouble he was having now, he had to believe it would have been impossible to make this trip in the dark.

In the back seat, Alex resolutely refused to make a sound when she knew how hard a time Bobby was having and that he would need every ounce of concentration to get them there safely. Finally she was able to fall into a light sleep and didn't wake up until Bobby stopped the Explorer and turned off the engine.

Weakly, she pulled herself up and saw that Bobby was motionless, his hands over his face.

"Bobby?"

After a moment he looked up and turned back to her. "Are you okay?"

Alex stared at him in amazement. "Me? What about you?"

He shook his head to clear it. "I'm fine. Glad we made it."

"You did great, Bobby – I know the roads are beyond bad. Let's get inside, okay?"

Bobby took a deep breath, part of him dreading what he'd find out. His feet felt like lead as he all but dragged them down the hallway to the nurse's station and he almost couldn't get the words out to ask about his mother. Alex, too, held her breath, praying that they were in time.

For once, Bobby thought, something actually went right. Frances Goren had survived the night and was asking for her son. Before going to her, he gave the nurse a brief synopsis of Alex's condition and asked if there was someplace comfortable that she could wait, or preferably, lie down.

Alex ducked her head in embarrassment, but decided that as bad as she was feeling, it would be wise to get some rest. She didn't know how long Bobby would be, but if he knew she was being taken care of, then he could just focus on his mom.

After a couple of phone calls, the nurse said that there was an available room upstairs and she would take Alex while Bobby went to his mom. Alex looked up at Bobby and crooked a finger, indicating that he should move closer. Puzzled, he did and was surprised when she reached up to place a chaste kiss on his cheek. "That's for your mom. Take as much time as you need – I'll be fine."

She turned away before he could answer and he reached up a hand to the spot her lips had touched him and managed a small smile before remembering that now he had to say good bye to his mother.

Chapter 48

Alex watched her partner walk slowly down the hallway, on his way to see his dying mother. She didn't notice that the nurse they'd been talking to had come around the nurse's station and was standing at Alex's side with a wheelchair.

"Det. Eames, I'm Vivian. I'll take you upstairs." At 5'9, Vivian seemed to tower over Alex, her jet black hair a stark contrast to her pale pink uniform and she looked to be about the same age as Alex.

Alex hesitated. She knew that she had a fever but wasn't sure why, so it was tempting to take the easy way up, but she resisted, knowing that she really did need to move around some after their drive.

"Thank you, Vivian, but I should probably walk. It was a bit of a longer ride than we expected and I'm feeling kind of stiff and sore."

Vivian nodded and the two women headed for the elevators. Alex was silent, thinking of Bobby and what he must be going through and it kept her from dwelling on herself and just how bad she was feeling.

"The room's at the end of the hall so it will be nice and quiet."

"That sounds perfect. I really appreciate this. I don't want Bobby worrying about me and this will work perfectly."

Vivian stopped at the nurse's station to introduce Alex and get a bedside pitcher that she filled with ice water. "Can we order a tray for you?"

"Oh – uh – no, thank you. Really. I'm not hungry right now, just really tired. Maybe later, after I've gotten some sleep."

Vivian grinned. "Seeing that you just got out of a hospital recently, you're probably thinking that hospital food is the last thing you'd want, right?"

Alex appreciated Vivian's humor and understanding as they walked down the hall to Alex's temporary room. Vivian showed Alex where everything was and how to operate the bed. "If you need anything at all, don't hesitate to buzz, otherwise we'll let you rest."

Alex thanked her again and closed the door after her. Telling herself it was a hotel bed and that she wasn't a patient, Alex made a quick trip to the bathroom, then removed only her shoes, coat and sweater and climbed into bed. It wasn't until she was struggling to get comfortable that she remembered her medication in her coat pocket.

Frustrated, she knew that she needed to get the pills because they had Tylenol as one of the components and her fever wasn't going to go away on its own. She pulled herself up and retrieved her medication and swallowed them down plus a whole glass of water. The ice cold liquid felt wonderful on her parched throat and she quickly drank a half glass more.

Finally she was back in bed, snuggling under the sheets trying to find a comfortable position. She actually fell asleep before she even felt the effects of the medication and her last conscious thought was her prayers for Bobby and his mother.

Chapter 49

Bobby's feet felt like they were encased in concrete – each step sapped more of his energy and he just couldn't believe that it all came down to this. He just couldn't believe that he was going to have to say a final goodbye to his mother. Alone. His father wasn't here and his brother was nowhere to be found. It was going to be up to him. Suddenly he felt lost. Utterly hopeless and helpless all at once. His college degree, his police training, his military experience – nothing was helping him right now.

While he'd seen countless cancer patients before, even those close to death, nothing could have prepared him for his mother's condition and just how much she had deteriorated since the last time he had seen her.

When he entered her room, the unmistakable smell of impending death hit him like a physical blow. The woman who had given him life was on the brink of death and unrecognizable after her battle with cancer. Her eyes were sunken, her lips drawn and cracked, the sagging skin a ghastly shade of pale except for the dark circles under her eyes.

The disease had ravaged her body physically, and it didn't stop with her body; it had taken the last of her heart, her sanity and her very soul, leaving her as an empty shell.

The sight nearly buckled his knees and he might have actually gone down if the priest sitting in the chair next to the bed hadn't jumped up to help. Bobby barely registered his presence as he staggered to the now vacant chair and sank bonelessly into it.

The priest put his hands on Bobby's shoulders. "You must be her son, Robert. They told me that you were coming. I'm Fr. Pat Shanahan."

Bobby just nodded; words failed him and he was unable to tear his eyes away from his mother's face.

"She just went back to sleep," Fr. Pat continued in a hushed voice. "I'll leave you alone for a bit. I have to see a couple of patients then I'll be back to help."

Bobby started to tell him that he didn't need to return, but at the last second settled for thanking him then sitting back to wait for Frances to wake up.

Looking back at everything that he had done trying to find a cure; the brutal but ultimately ineffective treatments and medication he had ordered for her left him drowning in a sea of guilt for putting her through it all and leaving her with no cure to be found but suffering physically and mentally even more.

As he stared down at her, her eyes suddenly snapped open. She blinked a couple of times before fixing her gaze on Bobby. For one all too brief moment, he knew that she recognized him but before he could recover enough to say anything, the spark was gone.

She became progressively agitated, crying and combative and Bobby became increasingly frustrated that he couldn't get through to her. Fortunately, Fr. Pat returned. Using prayer, the familiar words of the Lord's Prayer, the Hail Mary as well as songs and psalms, he was able to bring her down somewhat; calming her enough to control her until her next dose of medication. Bobby tried to follow Fr. Pat's lead as Frances seemed to retreat back to a time before her husband left her, before the schizophrenia took over her life, before she lost track of her oldest son and before she became dependent on her youngest son. But then the pain reasserted itself and it was back to the screaming and thrashing.

And so it went. Bobby couldn't escape the feeling that he was in a Twilight Zone Hell. All day, the cycle kept repeating itself and by 9 o'clock that night Bobby was forced to make the hardest decision in his life; one that no child wants to make in regards to a parent. Frances' condition had deteriorated at an alarming rate and her break with reality was now complete. She was incoherent and Bobby could not see one glimmer of awareness in her eyes. The doctor had continually adjusted the medication but the result left Frances either completely sedated or awake and screaming in agony. After a larger dose was given and Frances was again unconscious, he pulled Bobby and Fr. Pat outside into the hall and discussed what he considered the only viable, humane option: put her on a continuous Morphine infusion.

"For how long?" Bobby asked, afraid that he already knew the answer.

"For as long as it takes. It's a respiratory depressant as well as a narcotic. By running it continuously, it will allow her to be pain-free, but it will also suppress her respiratory drive."

Bobby didn't hesitate to agree. This morning, if that option had been presented to him, he would have never agreed. Now, after witnessing her struggle and torment, he knew that this was the only option. God knew he loved his mother and she deserved peace and an end to her suffering. It was time.

"Do it, Doctor."

Fr. Pat put his around Bobby and took him back to Frances as the doctor went to the nurse's station to order the infusion.

Chapter 50

The only comfort Bobby was able to cling to was knowing that Alex was nearby, able to get her rest, albeit not in her own bed, but it was infinitely better than the couches in the waiting room or alone in a hotel room.

What he didn't know was that his partner had a fever that was progressively getting higher. The trauma she had suffered exacted a heavy toll on her pulmonary function. Alex's lungs were filling up with fluid because the fractured ribs and bruising to her lungs interfered with her ability to fully expand her lungs and clear the congestion.

Chapter 51

Alex lay huddled under the covers hour after hour, occasionally sitting up enough to drink the water at the bedside trying to sooth her parched throat. Her body was aching, her head throbbing incessantly but when the coughing stated, the pain went to another whole different level of agony.

The first bout left her gasping for breath and in tears as she tried unsuccessfully to find a position of comfort. Her whole body was racked with chills even as her fever climbed higher. It was getting harder and harder to escape in her sleep and she completely lost all sense of time.

Everything was so blurry. 'What time is it?' Alex thought to herself. She realized that she wasn't wearing her watch but a glance at the window told her that it was dark outside.

'Bobby. Where was Bobby? Why hadn't he come up to see her?'

As the fever raged on, her thought processes became more and more disjointed. She was getting weaker, her limbs felt so heavy and it was almost impossible to open her eyes.

Bobby. She wanted to find Bobby. It took a monumental effort but she managed to climb out of the bed. Fortunately she tripped over her boots and she took the time to slide her feet into them. When she tried to stand back up a wave of nausea swept over her and both of her hands flew to her head as she tried to get control. Then the coughing came back causing her to lose her balance as she blindly reached out for anything to hold on to. One hand caught the side rail but in her weakened state, she couldn't maintain her hold and collapsed back down to the floor.

The edges of her vision kept blurring with bright white sparks with the blackness trying to take over as her breath was literally knocked out of her by the force of the fall.

A low keening moan was the only sound that escaped her dry, cracked lips.

Bobby. She wanted – she needed to find Bobby. It was the only coherent thought able to pierce the effect of the high fever. Nothing else made any sense to her right now as she somehow managed to pull herself back up again. She grabbed the water glass again for a couple more gulps that helped to suppress the tickling at the back of her throat, warning her of another bout of coughing that she knew she wasn't going to be able to withstand.

She pulled in an extra breath as she took shaky steps to the door. Each step resulted in a burning lance of pain making her think that her lungs were on fire. She opened the door and looked down the hall to the nurses' station on her left. A glance to her right showed the door to the stairwell and since it was closer, she stepped inside. She was standing at the top of the stairs, and she noticed how much colder it was and the shivering it caused left her struggling to keep her footing.

'Oh, God, Bobby,' she thought, letting out a ragged breath. 'Bobby, where are you?'

Desperately clinging to the rail with both hands, she made an awkward sidestep descent until she was finally on the first floor, struggling all over again to catch her breath after the exertion.

It was getting worse. She was so hot, and then cold. She couldn't see clearly, and her thoughts were even fuzzier.

When she saw the stairwell door, she leaned into it, letting the weight of her body push it open. She was shocked to see the snow, and not the tiled floors of the hospital. Before she could react, a gust of wind pushed the door open farther than she was prepared for. She lost her balance and stumbled outside, slipping on the icy step as the door closed back automatically behind her.

Alex pulled herself back up, but to her horror, saw that it was a one-way door. She had no way to get in unless she went around to the front.

The nausea returned and this time Alex lost the battle, retching and gagging. Alex curled up as much as her battered body would allow and closed her eyes. She wanted to move but her strength was gone; her reserves tapped out.

'Bobby,' she whispered brokenly. 'Bobby – I need you.' Her teeth were chattering in the cold night air.

There was no answer and when Alex felt the world begin to dim she allowed the blackness in to envelop her.


	23. Chapter 23

Chapter 52

It was so quiet now. Bobby sat in the chair next to Frances' bed. It was almost 6 in the morning and the continuous morphine infusion had been running about 7 hours now.

Before Fr. Pat left, he administered Last Rites to Frances and let Bobby know that he'd continue to pray for them. Bobby thanked him profusely for all he'd done then settled down to wait. He glanced at the monitors attached to his mother.

Her heart rate had been over 100 beats per minute earlier and now it was barely in the 60's and her blood pressure was holding at a much lower level. Even her breathing was slower and easier, her chest barely moving with each shallow breath.

When Bobby looked at her face, he was so grateful to see that she was at peace. The deep creases on her forehead and around her eyes and mouth had smoothed out. It brought tears to his eyes – he'd never in his entire life seen his mother comfortable. Never.

It was devastating to realize that how selfish he'd been to try and hang onto her, forcing her through the painful, debilitating and ultimately unsuccessful treatments. He had fought and he had made her fight, too.

Now, he had to let her go. He had to put away his pain and guilt and give her peace after years of war. She deserved it. She definitely earned it.

At some point, Bobby drifted off to sleep, clutching her hand that was wet with his tears.

Chapter 53

"Det. Goren? Det. Goren, wake up."

Bobby felt someone gently patting his shoulder, trying to get him up but it was hard, really hard to comply. He felt like he'd just gone to sleep and now they wanted him awake.

"Det. Goren – please – you need to wake up."

He mumbled something incoherent as he slowly pushed himself upright and pried his eyes open. A nurse was standing next to him, her brow furrowed in concern as she waited for him to respond to her.

"What is it? What's going on?"

"I'm sorry, Detective – she's – she's gone."

That woke him up. He jerked his gaze over to his mother's face and then he realized that the monitors were silent. He was still holding her hand, but now it registered that already her skin was cooler. He couldn't help but place his fingers over that spot on her wrist where he should have been able to feel her pulse.

It wasn't there.

"Can I – uh – could you give me a few minutes?"

"Of course. Take as much time as you need. I'll be at the nurses' station if there's anything I can get for you." She discreetly slipped out of the room, closing the door silently behind her and left Bobby alone.

For several long minutes he could only sit and stare; a range of emotions coming to the surface. Intellectually he knew what to prepare for, but the reality of experiencing the various sensations affected him more than he expected they would. It was so hard not to feel guilty for feeling some relief that it was over; that her suffering had mercifully ended at last. He grit his teeth as a flash of anger at his brother for not being here bubbled to the surface but he quickly tamped it down. It was pointless and it was Frank's problem. His brother would have to live with the choices he made – Bobby was done. He looked out the window and was surprised to see that the sun was shining, the snow had stopped and the clouds were gone. It was almost like a sign.

Finally he felt ready to go; to move on as it were, knowing that there was nothing else for him here now. He wanted to go. He wanted to get Alex back home where she belonged and get on with their lives.

As hard as it had been to finalize every detail of what needed to be done when his mother died –to make those plans while she was alive; now he could be grateful that there was nothing he had to do. Just a couple of phone calls put the processes in motion and it was done. He stopped by the nurses' station to verify that he was no longer required to be there then he headed for the elevator. He pushed the button for the second floor hoping Alex had gotten a decent night's sleep.

Chapter 54

The nurses on the second floor were currently in the middle of shift change duties but the Unit Secretary told him which room his partner had been given.

When he arrived at her room, he noticed that the door was ajar. Knocking softly, he pushed it open and stepped in.

The bed was empty.

After everything that he'd been through in the past 24 hours, Bobby was as exhausted and as drained as he'd ever been in his life. He had walked into the room expecting to see Alex. In his mind, that was a given because there was nowhere for her to go – there was nothing else for her to do – she should be in bed or maybe sitting up watching TV.

His reflexes dulled by his grief and fatigue, he was rooted to the spot trying to process what he was seeing. Or rather what he wasn't seeing. His partner. Where was she? For a second, he thought that maybe she was in the bathroom but then he saw that the bathroom door was open and the light was off. Then he thought that maybe she was going down to see him and he didn't see her on the way up. But then he remembered that there was only one elevator and he couldn't have missed her.

What if she started sleeping walking again?

When the thought that Alex might have been sleepwalking popped up in his mind; Bobby was hit by a violent jolt of adrenalin and he raced down the hall to the nurses' station.

"Where is she?" he barked, his eyes blazing. "Where's Alex Eames?"

It took every ounce of self control not to panic and fly into a rage as the nurses tried to simultaneously calm him down and understand what the problem was.

The night charge nurse, Daphne, immediately recognized the seriousness of the situation and she stepped forward, using her hands to keep everyone else back. It was instantly obvious to her that their overnight guest was not in her room and Det. Goren was under the misguided perception that Det. Eames had been their responsibility.

"Det. Goren – you have to understand that Det. Eames is not a patient here. "Legally," she stressed the word 'legally', "we nurses are not responsible for her in any way – we can't 'treat' her medically without a doctor's order unless there was some kind of emergency. That is true for any visitor in this hospital."

Bobby started to say something but Daphne immediately cut him off. "When I came on duty, the only report I got was that she was staying there while you were with your mother downstairs. However, I took it upon myself to check on her throughout the night and every time I went in, she was asleep. She never called the desk, but when I would go to her room, I saw that she had been drinking water so I did refill her water pitcher."

Bobby took a breath; reigned himself in and focused on what needed to be done now. They were able to determine that the last time Daphne or anyone had seen Alex was just before 6 o'clock. He looked at his watch: it was almost 8 o'clock. They had to get moving. The nurses quickly got on the phone and the hunt was on.

Bobby quickly went back to Alex's room to see if there was anything he had missed. He took note of the fact that her boots were gone, but her coat, scarf and gloves were piled on the couch. He left her room and caught sight of the entrance to the stairwell. Hardly daring to hope, he threw the door open and stepped in.

Before the door could close shut, he heard someone shout.

"Det. Goren! Det. Goren – come quickly – they found her!"

Chapter 55

Bobby froze with one hand on the door as he tried to process what he just heard. His heart leapt into his throat making it almost impossible to breathe. He had been expecting the worst so he was having difficulty believing the good news.

"Det. Goren – come on. I'll take you!"

Bobby shook himself and took off running down the hall to join Daphne who was holding the elevator door open for him.

"Where was she?" he panted.

"They found her outside. That stairwell you were going in goes outside."

Bobby was aghast. "Isn't it rigged to alarm?"

"Our doors are on a timer – 10 pm until 6 am. The back of the building is surrounded by a 30 foot brick wall – I guess they figure that's enough."

Bobby just shook his head as he followed Daphne to the Emergency Intake Center where his partner had been taken to. At first he couldn't see her. She had been bundled in blankets from head to toe, IV tubing snaked out from her right side and an oxygen mask covered most of her face. The doctor quickly informed him that Alex was unconscious and an ambulance would be arriving in a couple of minutes to transfer her.

"We're not an acute care facility and we're not equipped for this kind of medical emergency."

"Does anyone know what happened? Who found her?"

"We did."

Bobby turned around to see a teenage girl and a man dressed in scrubs. "I'm Becca and this is my dad."

"I'm Roger Owens – I work in the lab. We were on our way out to the back to take care of Fletcher."

Bobby did a double take. "Fletcher? Who's Fletcher? And why was he outside?"

"Fletcher is a dog. He belongs to one of the patients here. We've all kind of adopted him – he's like a therapy dog. Becca likes to visit on her way to school. When we heard the announcement I decided to check outside. When I got there – well, I almost couldn't believe my eyes."

"Here," Becca interrupted. "I had my cell phone." She handed it to Bobby and he almost dropped it when he saw the picture displayed."

Fletcher was a golden retriever and he was curled up alongside Alex, trying to keep her warm.

Further discussion was prevented by the arrival of the transport team and it wasn't long before Bobby was back in the city, keeping vigil at Alex's bedside. It was a horrible case of déjà vu all over again.

Captain Ross had met up with him and together they listened to the doctor's report. Alex was in respiratory failure due to pneumonia.

"She's dehydrated and even though she was outside with the temperature near freezing, she has a high fever. Right now, she's in an extremely precarious position because of her rib fractures and her recent head injury and her ability to fight has been severely compromised."

Ross looked over at his detective. Goren was positively stricken. Personally, he thought that if anyone was at risk it was Goren. The man had survived more in the last few weeks than he had thought was humanly possible and Ross had hoped that the worst was over. He hadn't realized just how close to death Frances had been. Coupled with Eames' setback and Goren had to be on the brink.

"We've drained the fluid from her lungs and she's going to stay on sedated on the ventilator until we're sure that there is no more fluid build-up in her lungs and the fever is down."

Ross insisted on driving Goren home and he wasn't too surprised that it was a silent ride. He offered to listen if there was anything Goren wanted to talk about, but knowing that the detective had a lot to think about he didn't push.

As soon as Ross arrived at Bobby's apartment building, Goren mumbled his thanks as he got out of the car and all but collapsed on his couch when he walked into his apartment. He wrinkled his nose in distaste at the dust that floated up when he sat down, a reminder of how long it had been since he'd been home. Although his body was beyond exhausted, he couldn't stop thinking about his mom and everything she had been through these years.

At some point Bobby's body had simply shut down – more tired than he'd ever been in his life.

Chapter 56

Day in and day out. Neverending night after neverending night. Evening – dusk – morning – dawn – it was a blur. Days transitioned into nights. Bobby's world had shrunk to the size of an ICU room and sometimes his apartment when medical personnel determined that he wasn't taking care of himself.

After a week on the ventilator, Bobby was starting to see changes in Alex. Her previous injuries inflicted by Sebastian were no longer visible; the cut from the scissors on her neck had healed over, and the deep rope burns on her wrists had faded into pale pink bracelets. Her face no longer bore the mark of the fractured cheek bone, the swelling was gone.

Sometimes Bobby would just stand in the doorway, taking in all the monitoring and equipment around his partner, longing for the moment when she would open her eyes, say his name and they could start to put all this behind them.

He started going back to 1PP out of sheer boredom. He wasn't out on the street but he found plenty to keep his mind occupied for few hours, waiting for Alex.

Chapter 57

There was no specific sound or thought that forced Alex closer to lucidity; her body and her mind still felt disconnected though – she didn't feel like her body was under her control and her mind didn't seem to be registering what was happening around her. Time was meaningless. Had it been seconds or hours? Days or months? Was she alive?

The energy necessary to form coherence continued to elude her. Yet she had no way of knowing that her previous state had protected her in ways she wasn't ready yet to ascertain. She was unaware that the infection in her lungs had been treated; that the fever which had ravaged her body and even her mind was gone.

As the medications that had kept her sedated were weaned down, small fragments of information began to filter through and fit themselves together but the picture remained indefinable; blurred and hazy.

At some point, the voices began to pierce the haze and she felt as though the great gulf between where she was – where she had been and the harsh reality awaiting her might be shrinking in size.

Finally, there was the bleeping noise; an incessant high pitched tone that sounded like something she should recognize but right now it was just irritating.

She free-floated in this existence; unfettered by physical ties and unencumbered with why, where, when or who. There was no pain, no light and no temperature.

Chapter 58

"Say, Goren – what's the latest?"

Startled, Bobby stood up, and was surprised to see Mike Logan behind him, hands in his pockets and looking nervously around the room. "I've kind of been out of the loop lately, so I was hoping things were looking up."

Bobby knew that Mike had been putting in a lot of voluntary overtime, helping Major Case stay on top of things to cover his and Alex's absence. He stepped over to the foot of the bed to join Mike.

"She's making progress – the fever is gone and she's breathing on her own."

Mike nodded, suddenly unable to tear his eyes away from Alex's face. "I don't think I've seen her so – uh – so peaceful. She looks like she's just sleeping."

Bobby raised his eyebrows.

Mike tried to explain. "I mean – the last time I saw her in the hospital was after Sebastian – " He broke off, his face sheepish, fumbling for the right words. "She looks good now – the bruises and the swelling are gone."

"Yeah," Bobby ran a tired hand across his neck, trying to loosen the tightness. "Now if she'd just wake up."

Mike fidgeted. "And when she does – her memory – everything that's happened – " He couldn't quite decide how to ask the question.

"We really have no way of knowing until she regains consciousness. She was recovering some of her memory after the severe concussion but then the fever was high enough at one point that she was placed on a cooling blanket and the IV fluid they gave had been refrigerated. I'm pretty much preparing myself for anything."

Mike ducked his head feeling utterly helpless and knowing it was probable a hundred times worse for Goren.

Bobby paused a moment. "How's Wheeler?"

"Good. She's rehabbing the leg, but the Doc says no permanent damage. Thank God you got that tourniquet on." Abruptly he changed the subject. "I – I uh – also wanted to say - we're all really sorry about your mom."

Bobby kept his face neutral. "Yeah – thanks. I knew it was coming, but with Alex – it – "

"Yeah," Mike took a deep breath and reached into his coat pocket and pulled out a white envelope addressed to Det. Robert Goren and handed it to Bobby.

"What's this?"

Mike dropped his gaze. "We took up a collection and – uh – gave the money to the American Cancer Society – in you and your mom's name."

Bobby just gaped.

Neither spoke for several minutes, the silence heavy while Bobby struggled for the words at the unexpected gesture.

Finally he was able to find his voice. "Thank you – seriously. Uh – tell everyone I said thanks."

Mike nodded. "We're family."

Bobby was overwhelmed.

"Is there any water in here?"

The words were spoken so softly they almost didn't hear them. Bobby and Mike jerked their gazes to Alex.

Her eyes were only half way open but there was no denying the awareness in them. "I'm really thirsty."


	24. Chapter 24

Chapter 58

For several long seconds, Mike and Bobby could only stand there. Had anyone walked in they might have mistaken them for statues – unable to move with their mouths hanging open. It was almost comical.

Her eyes darting between them, Alex was beginning to feel like she had walked into a theater thinking that the show was bout to start but in actuality it was half-way over. She opened her mouth to speak, but Mike found his voice first and grabbed the pitcher that was sitting on the bedside table.

"I'll go get this thing filled up with some fresh water." He was gone before Bobby or Alex could say a word; watching him beat a hasty retreat.

"What's up with him? I'm in the hospital – I'm not dying." Alex said her voice a rough whisper. Carefully she tried to pull herself up in bed. Her limbs felt heavy and her whole body stiff and a little sore.

Bobby quickly went to her side when he saw how slow and awkward her movements were in her weakened state. With utmost care, he helped sit her upright and adjust the bed and pillows.

"Alex – take it easy." He was concerned to see his partner's face cloud over as she tried to put all the pieces together and to him it felt like she was starting to understand that some of them were missing. He tried to keep the urgency he was experiencing out of his voice. He wanted to find out immediately what she remembered. He wanted to be optimistic; feeling like if he believed it strongly enough and wanted it badly enough then she would be all right.

He was grateful to Mike for stepping out so as not to overwhelm Alex until he could learn the extent of what she remembered without upsetting her. "Do you know why you're in the hospital?" He asked, his voice low.

Alex chewed on her bottom lip. Bobby could feel how hard she was working to come up with the right answer. "I - I thought – I – I mean – Jo – you said that Jo –" she broke off staring over at Bobby, blinking back hot tears that stung as she fought to keep them from falling. It was clear that she was picking up the strange energy n the room – that Bobby didn't really seem to be acting the way she expected.

Bobby wasn't sure if he should be encouraged that Alex remembered Jo. If that was the case, then they'd gained the 3 months after Deakins retirement. Did that mean that she didn't remember the injuries she sustained when she was assaulted by Sebastian a few of weeks ago? Or being so ill when his mother passed away?

It was hard to reign himself in, but he had to – Alex was obviously in a fragile state and he couldn't – he wouldn't risk further setback. He picked up the glass that Mike had left behind, filled it with tap water and handed it to her.

Alex took the glass, brought it to her lips and tried not to gulp it down all at once or appear too eager. She swallowed three times before stopping abruptly to stare at her hands.

Bobby noticed that she was no longer drinking and his head cocked to one side as he took in her change in expression.

Alex looked at her hands then stared at Bobby then back at her hands, back at Bobby.

"Eames – what is it?"

She didn't answer at first, but instead put the glass down and began to scrutinize her hands and wrists. "There's nothing on them." She muttered to herself as images began to swirl around in her mind and she wondered if they were visions or real and felt as though a thick haze had enveloped her mind, dampening her thought processes. She rolled her shoulders, tilted her head side to side and even reached up to her forehead. "No pain," she said thickly, "where's the bandage?"

Bobby tried again. "Alex - " but he was promptly interrupted. "I'm in the hospital – but not because of Jo." She stared hard at her partner. It wasn't a question.

Bobby nodded as once again, Alex got the gears going and tried again to fill in the blanks; her brow furrowed and her expression intense as she worked to pin down the memories flitting through her mind and her frustration was creeping towards the boiling point.

Without a second thought, Bobby sat down next to her, reached out and gently pulled her close in a tender embrace.

"I can't," she choked out, "I don't have the words."

Bobby stroked the back of her head and rocked her carefully. "Slow down," he crooned low in his throat, his lips at her ear. "You'll find them," he soothed, "just go slow – we have all the time you need. I'm not going anywhere."

Alex felt herself relaxing as she listened to the warmth in his voice that sent a feeling of calm throughout her body and her eyes drifted shut under his loving ministrations. She tried again.

"I'm seeing all these events," she said, her words coming out in a paper thin whisper, "but I can't seem to get it in chronological order – there's no sense of time passing."

Bobby pulled back and took her hands in his own. "One step at a time. What month do you think it is?"

Alex pondered for several more minutes. "My nephew was having surgery. That was the end of February. But your mom – oh – Bobby – your mom – I'm so sorry. That – that was recent – right after – " she paused. "His surgery. It was after his surgery and we had to drive to Carmel Ridge in the snow." It was becoming obvious that the deficit would be the assault by Sebastian. Not having a clear enough recollection of that period was what was causing her confusion.

It took every bit of Bobby's will power not to show how relieved and overjoyed he was that Alex was almost there. She was so close.

At that moment, Mike came back in with Dr. Curtis, the neurologist that had been working with Alex since her original head injury. He made no attempt to hide is pleasure at seeing his patient awake.

Chapter 59

By 8:45 that evening, after being examined by doctors, undergoing a battery of tests and talking with her sister, Mike and Bobby, then bringing in Ross and Wheeler – Alex finally proclaimed herself "back".

It had been 9 hours since she had opened her eyes and requested water, to the present. There were still a few holes, some events that she had no memory of, the biggest being her assault and abduction by Sebastian, but she had recovered all of the 8 months they had all worried might be irretrievable.

Alex knew that she'd be back in a counselor's office before she'd be allowed back at work, but she took comfort in the unmistakable relief and pride she'd seen in Ross' eyes knowing that his senior detective had come through.

"Okay, kid – no more goofing off," Mike told her with a wink and a hug. "You just get better and get back to 1PP so I can get the heat off me." They all laughed as Wheeler playfully poked him in the chest.

"Keep it up, Logan and I'll slow down my rehab."

At his look of mock horror, Ross stepped forward. "Come on you two and let's leave her to get her rest, before I ask the Chief of D's to send down some rookies for you to train."

Logan and Wheeler said their goodbyes and hustled out. Ross took Alex's hands in his. "Welcome back, Eames," he said quietly then shook hands with Bobby. "You two take care – we'll be here when you're ready."

Bobby ducked his head, "Yes, sir – thank you."

After everyone had gone, Alex's nurse came in to check on her patient one last time and give her medications. "There's nothing else ordered until the morning so I'll ask the night crew not to disturb you unless you need something."

Bobby thanked her, and then told Alex he was going to get them a snack and coffee. It took him a little longer than he expected so when he got back he wasn't surprised to see that her eyes were closed. It had been a really long day.

He walked quietly to her side and brushed a lock of hair back. She opened her eyes immediately at his gentle touch and graced him with a slow sleepy smile.

"Hey," he said softly, propping his arms on the bedrail for support so he could lean in closer.

"Mmm . . . wasn't sleeping," she answered groggily.

Bobby grinned. He convinced her to share some cheese and crackers he'd gotten as well as juice, deciding that she didn't really need any caffeine so late in the evening. When they were finished, Bobby helped her brush away the crumbs and straighten out her blankets. "Can I get you anything else before I leave?"

Alex took a deep breath and gathered her courage. "Would you stay with me tonight?" she asked shyly, even as she scooted over to make room.

Bobby's eyebrows shot up even as his heart leapt into his throat. For several long seconds he couldn't breathe.

Alex's hopeful expression morphed into one of embarrassment. "I'm sorry – I shouldn't have – "

"No – no," Bobby cut her off. "I – I just wasn't expecting it. Of course - I mean – sure - I'll stay." He looked at the space she had created next to her on the bed. "You want me there?"

Alex smiled self-consciously toying with the edge of the sheet. "While I was waiting for you, a lot of – uh – personal – more – uh private stuff that I remembered – if you know what I mean."

Bobby reached out to still her hand with his own. "I'm glad you remember that," he said, his face nearly beaming with joy. He lowered the side rail and carefully positioned himself along his partner. "Got enough room?"

Alex smiled again. "I'm fine." She reached out with one hand and placed it on his shoulder then slowly dragged it down over his bicep, across his forearm and then took hold of his hand.

A heady flush enveloped him like a heat wave, as he took her hand in his. "Alex –?"

"I didn't get a chance to thank you."

"For what?"

"Taking care of me. Helping me."

"I'd do anything for you – you know that – you're my partner."

"Is that all?"

Bobby nearly choked but quickly realized that this was it. This was his chance to open up to her about his feelings – his chance to take that leap of faith and put himself out there. Before he could doubt or second guess himself, he cupped her cheek with one hand. "No – that's not all," he whispered.

Alex's eyes widened, and now it was her turn to feel the heat and she was pretty sure that her cheeks were bright red. 'It didn't matter though,' she thought to herself. It was all right. Because her instincts had been right. She knew she didn't have a crystal clear picture of the time that they spent at her house, but there were moments: lying in his arms in her bed and one heady instance in the bathroom. While she'd had a lot on her mind and of course a big gaping hole, she hadn't been totally blind or insensitive to the vibe she'd picked up emanating from her partner. It was time to open her eyes and see the truth.

"Bobby, I want to say, I – "

"I love you, Alex," Bobby said, his voice thick with emotion. "I've loved you for a long, long time and my only regret is not telling you sooner."

Alex felt her eyes fill with happy tears even as her smile lit up the room. "I love you, too, Bobby. I do."

Bobby couldn't take his eyes off of her as he lovingly slid one arm under Alex and pulled her closer. Ever so slowly, drawing out the anticipation, he lowered his lips to hers and the first kiss, when their lips came together. . . time became meaningless, the future filled with endless possibilities and the promise to explore them – together.


End file.
